Phil's Tribute Service - in full

A Tribute to Philip Norman Thompson

1949 - 2011

 

 

Ceremony for Philip Norman Thompson held at St Bede's chapel,

Teesside crematorium, on 29th September 2011 at 11.30am.

 

Mourners enter to "Albatross" by Fleetwood Mac

Welcome everyone. We have come together today to honour the life of well loved man, Philip Norman Thompson - always known to everyone as Phil.

Phil was just sixty one when he died on the 19th September in James Cook hospital.

My name is Derek Cattell and in keeping with the life that Phil led, the family has asked me to conduct a Humanist funeral today.

A Humanist funeral is simply a non-religious ceremony. It is to be celebration of a life you all have had the privilege to share in.

You will hear a tribute to Phil, some poems and music. Later on we will be observing a moment of silent reflection during which time anyone with religious faith is welcome to say a silent prayer if they wish.

 

Death is as natural as life. Only nature is permanent. All life has a beginning and an end.

For those of us who do not have religious faith and believe that death is the end of our existence, life's significance lies in the experiences and satisfaction we achieve in its short span.

Life's permanence lies in the memories which live on with those who knew us.

Phil will live on if you cherish his memory. These feelings about the loss of a loved one is illustrated in this short poem chosen by Phil's daughters Sherri and Gemma.

It is called "What is Dying?"

I am standing on the seashore, A ship sails and spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.

She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says "She is gone".

 Gone where? Gone for my sight that is all. She is just as large in the masts, hull and spurs, as she was when I saw her and just as able to bear her living freight to her destination.

The diminished size, the total loss of sight is in me not her, and just at the moment someone at my side says "She is gone". There are others, who are watching her coming,and other voices take up the glad shout, "Here she comes" And that is dying.

The other day I met with members of Phil's family. This tribute is based on their loving memories of Phil.

Phil was born on November 15th 1949 in Cleethorpes and he grew up in the Grimsby area. His parents were Kath and Norman who ran a shop. Phil's big sister is June. Phil's dad was in the navy during the years of the Second World War - perhaps that's where Phil got his love of the sea from.

In 1971 Phil's dad died, also at the age of sixty one, in the same month as Phil. Phil lost his mother fourteen years ago. As a boy Phil loved to swim and go to the scouts. When he was older he rode a motorbike. He was good at art and won a scholarship. His closest school friend, who is sadly no longer with us, was Geoff who was best man at the wedding of Phil and Hilary.

One of the tricks that Phil got up when he was a boy was to say to his mother that he was going upstairs with his friend to do some weightlifting. Really he'd sneaked a bottle of beer off the shelf of the shop. Once upstairs they'd sit drinking whilst rolling a barrel on the floor with their feet to make it sound below as if they were weightlifting.

Phil left school and started to train as an accountant but he longed to be outdoors so at seventeen he joined the merchant navy. Eventually Phil rose from being a cadet to Third Officer. He has been described by colleagues as a dashing Officer who was good fun and every cadet's idol.

Anyone who looks at the photographs of young Phil will see what a handsome man he was. One day when Phil was twenty one his ship came to Teesside to be put into dry dock. Phil and his friend decided to visit the Seaman's Mission.

Hilary had gone there with her friend whose father helped to run the place. Hilary saw Phil looking round the room and went up to him with a can of lager and a glass in her hand and asked him if this was what he was looking for?

Phil turned around and looking straight at her replied, "You are exactly what I'm looking for". Hilary says that after three days of seeing each other they both felt they had known one another for years. She also says that once Phil kissed her she knew he would be her husband.

Phil's blue eyes must have been blinded by love because he actually jumped ship to stay on Teesside with Hilary. Consequently he was sacked. But he studied at college and got work with another shipping company. For years Phil was employed by London & Overseas Freight and it was with them that he got to visit every continent except Australia. He particularly loved Japan and the city of Santos in South America.

Phil proposed to Hilary in 1973 and on August 23rd 1975 they were married at St Cuthbert's in Wilton village and Hilary Afford became Mrs Thompson. If anyone gets the chance take a look at Phil on the wedding photos in his naval uniform they will see how smart he looked.

After honeymooning in Menorca, Hilary joined Phil at sea. Two months after the wedding they were onboard the ship "London Tradition" for what turned out to be a four month long journey. They sailed across the Baltic and went to St Petersburg where the temperature fell to 45 degrees below zero and an ice breaker had to free their ship. Christmas was spent in Gran Canarias. Off the coast of South America the ship was found to be gradually sinking so they returned to port for repairs that ended up taking several weeks. It was an unforgettable adventure for two people in love.

Once back in the UK it wasn't long before Phil left Hilary to once again return to sea. Being the wife of a sailor often meant long periods of being alone but this was a strong marriage that could survive separation. In June 1977 Hilary gave birth to her first child a boy named Lee. Sadly baby Lee did not live. Lee was to however always occupy a place in Phil and Hilary's hearts.

Just months after this tragedy Phil and Hilary moved into a house in Badsworth Close. Actually the story is that they went round to view the property but the sellers were out. Phil looked through the window and once he saw that they had built a bar in the lounge he said "We'll have it".

The next year Sherri was born and four years later Gemma. In 1985 Phil left his sea life. It was a family decision. Phil wanted to see more of his children. Phil left the sea but the sea never quite left Phil. Given the chance he would drive to the coast and get out binoculars just to look at the passing ships. I would like to read a poem about the sea by John Masefield which I hope you find appropriate.

I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and sky, And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by, And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sails shaking, And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking. I must go down to the sea again, for the call of the running tide Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied; And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying, And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea gulls crying. I must go down to the sea again, to the vagrant gypsy life, To the gull's way and the whale's way, where the wind's like a whetted knife; And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover, And a quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long tricks over.

When we entered you heard music chosen by the family. It was by Fleetwood Mac and called Albatross - the name of the biggest bird that flies the ocean. Let us now listen to another piece of music the family have chosen which I'm sure will give everyone nice thoughts of Phil.

Music: Dock of the Bay Otis Redding

When he left the sea Phil took up work as a salesman. He worked for two or three companies and soon got into swing of the work remembering the help and business advice the received from his father in law. In fact Phil won prizes for his success in selling.

Eleven years ago Phil sat and watched daytime television and listened to the TV doctor Chris Steel. Phil recognised the symptoms he was describing and decided to get himself checked out. At the age of fifty Phil was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

One of the first things he did was to write to Dr Chris Steel to thank him for broadcasting that advice. Phil faced his condition with courage and often humour. He kept going and was only seriously ill in his last six months. He kept a lot from his family as he didn't want them to worry.

About five years ago Phil was on the internet and befriended George Hardy. George had also been diagnosed with prostate cancer and had founded a web site for fellow suffers. It was the start of a great partnership. George has sent me a message about Phil and I'd like to read it to you. It speaks for itself.

 "About 18 months after my diagnosis, I realised that I and my fellow suffers were spending many hours on the computer each day, on international cancer forums etc, seeking out information and advice and keeping an eye out for advances in treatment.

I wondered if any of these guys and their families would like a web site created specially to laugh in the face of the illness and get together and have some fun online every day. Well they certainly did and Phil was one of the first to join.

From the moment we met an online a firm friendship was forged. We were both northerners, both the same age, loved the same music, but most of all were determined to win our battle. I can't express enough how important Phil became to me and everyone else in our group.

It wasn't long before we were chatting on the phone and for the past five years Phil was the one who was on that web site first, saying hello and good morning to everyone everyday without fail. Of course I couldn't possibly repeat any of his daily jokes!

A sailor most of his life every one of us just referred to him as Cap'n. The two of us struck up such a rapport that the rest of the group called the pair of us "Laurel & Hardy" or The Terrible Twins. He had a fabulous and often outrageous sense of humour and was never anything less than hilarious.

Everything Phil said or did was with a twinkle in his eye. But there was the exceptionally caring side of Phil which always shone through. Whatever worries or pain any of us were going through, Phil was there for us….telephone calls, personal emails….nothing was too much for him. He never failed to lift us with his sheer optimism and exuberance for life.

Sadly Phil was too ill to attend our last meeting in June and every single one of the folks there asked after him and little wonder. Phil was absolutely loved by us all. He must have helped hundreds of cancer suffers or bereaved families in his own caring way.

I speak for myself, my wife Lynn, daughter Katrina, who loved him to bits, and for all his friends - too many to count- some of whom are travelling long distances just to say a fond farewell at his ceremony.

Some live too far away or are too ill to come but they all send their love. And every one of us holds his lovely wife Hilary, daughters Sherri and Gemma in our hearts today. We have lost a wonderful man, a true friend, a very special human being".

 

I know the family wants to thank George and all the people in the group for their love and support. Phil used the internet to give support to cancer victims and their relatives all over the world. People like Elise Cotter in Ireland worried about her father. Phil helped him through chemotherapy like he did with others.

Or closer to home Phil helped Sherri's husband Steven through his own cancer scare. Actually Phil put off his own chemotherapy in 2007 as he didn't want to lose his lovely hair before Sherri and Stephen's wedding. He needn't have worried as he never lost it.

 Phil and Hilary packed a lot in the last few years. They had trips to places like Florida were they saw the space Shuttle blast off. Only last year they enjoyed a holiday together in Cyprus. They also moved to their home in Gt. Ayton.

Hilary has said she will never stop loving Phil. Everyone will have their own personal loving memories of Phil. The family remember someone with a naughty sense of humour. They remember a man who talked all the time but made sure no one spoke to him if he was watching his beloved Formula One on TV.

They remember him loving to sunbathe and play games such as Trivial Pursuit and Scrabble or spending hours cooking one of his curries. They remember someone who liked a drink and a laugh. Let us now observe a moment of silent reflection.

This is your chance to recall the time you spent in Phil's company and remember him according to your own beliefs.

 Silent Reflection

We now come to the most important part of the ceremony when we commit Phil's body. If you are able, may I ask you all to stand? Everyone to stand as the curtains close during following passage. Here in this last act of sorrow and remembrance we commit Phil's body to its natural end. All life must pass but our feelings of sadness are mixed with happy memories of the kind of person Phil was and the life he lived. Everyone to sit.

Phil understood what matters in life. What will matter is not what you bought but what you built; not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught. What will matter is not how many people you knew but how many will feel a lasting lost when you are gone.

I asked the family what words they would use to sum up Phil? They said things like brave, strong, funny, handsome and determined. He was an optimist to the end.

His favourite saying was "Nothing is written in stone". The best tribute you can pay to Phil is to be kind to one another and help others when you can.

We came here today to celebrate Phil's life. It is sad that he has died but what is more important is that he lived. Phil would want you to remember him with a smile and to get on with enjoying your life.

I'd like to read one final poem which I've found and hope that it reflects Phil. It is an Irish poem called "The Parting Glass."

Oh all the time that ever I spent, I spent it in good company; And any harm that ever I done, I trust it was done to none but me; May those I've loved through all the years Have memories now they will recall So raise to me the parting glass, Goodnight, and joy be with you all. Oh all the comrades that ever I had, Are sorry for my going away; And all the ones that ever I had Would wish me one more day to stay. But since it falls unto my lot That I should leave and you should not, I'll gently rise and softly call Goodnight and joy be with you all. Of all the times that ever we shared, I leave to you fond memory; And for all the friendship that we ever had I ask you to remember me; And when you sit and stories tell, I'll be with you and help recall; So raise to me a parting glass, Love and joy be with you all

We have now reached the end of our ceremony and tribute to Phil. We are going to sit a while as we listen to one last piece of music, again chosen by the family.  Let us leave today with fond thoughts of Phil and in peace.

Closing music: Sailing, by Rod Stewart