Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,
Nice sunny morning and looks set to last ALL over the Easter Bank Holiday,
....Heading out for supplies as I feel the need to make fire and eat meat!!
,,a barbecue will suffice over the weekend sometime.
Wish I'd cleaned it after last time now,,when was that last burst of hot weather 2001??
Grab those rays while you can Folks and have a cracking Thursday!
Cheers
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks:..................
"So what did you want to know about sex for?" "Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
Gooood Mornin' Folks,
ReplyDeleteI hope everyone had a good sleep.....I DIDN'T!
I must have tossed (shaddup you lot!- and turned all night, soaked in sweat, and actually hallucinating - seeing visions of two huge ladies, hovering over my bed, each with a '6' tattooed on one boob and a '9' on the other...No wonder I'm still shaking like a leaf.
Morning George,,which way round were the 6 and 9 ??? LMAO
ReplyDeleteGood morning gorgeous ones. Well the old man in painting. Help!! Me I've been to b/Q as I need some chains....
ReplyDelete69?? I am to young to know the signficance of this number...!!!
Sorry you were tossing and turning all night!
lol
b
Morning Bev :)) Coo you got Ian painting on a warm sunny day like this?,,Hmm I see why you need the chains!! LOL xx
ReplyDeleteHe is mad to paint but won't listen, he is going to crash later in the day. He won't accept he gets tired. Sorry, shouldn't rant.
ReplyDeleteI am using the chains for a craft project.
Where's George disappeared to??
Back to bed Bev,,(No that wasn't an order! LOL) George I meant...
ReplyDeleteFor your info Re 69,,I led a very sheltered life in the Navy but it looks like something to do with bacon??? LMAO xx
BACON HOT TODAY AIN'T IT PHIL? LOL
ReplyDeleteHere's a one for our wonderful ladies: (With thanks to our mate Phil Clarke...so BLAME HIM!)
- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who don't own a gun.
Revenge will be sweet and painful. I need to remind you I am trained with mens bits!!
ReplyDeleteI am off to find a suitable response xx
for all the men in our lives:
ReplyDeleteHow many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
What did God say when he created Adam?
I can do better than this.
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Why do men name their willys?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini
Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?
It had a willy AND a brain!
- so true
and there is more
ReplyDeleteMan says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says, "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you."
I think you are on the same site as me!!!
ReplyDeleteGo and bronze your body. Go for an all over tan. xx
Ouch!! LOL xx
ReplyDeleteCatch ya later,,
Good day all......
ReplyDeleteHot one again down sarth......just come in for an amber nectar.......good to see everyones been 'at it',with the jokes...!! add my penny worth here too..
He said,She said.........
He said . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . You wear pants don't you?
He said . .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . ...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said . ... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . They don't have time
He said . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said . They already have boyfriends.
She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . A widow.
He said . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
LMAO. It's WAR!
ReplyDeleteAnd just to stir it up a bit more....
Eat ya heart out Phil, John, Mike, Keith...and all you other ole pervs here....
LOOK WHAT THE POSTMAN JUST BROUGHT ME:
AND THEY'RE BEV'S!!!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU LOVELY LADY!
I promise not to tell what you wrote in your letter, lol : )~
Well, Well, Well !!!
ReplyDeleteAll this 'sexist' slagging off on the site today!
I think we men should be grateful that God gave us our wonderful women,
Now lets be grateful and lets remember what women were put here for:-
What's easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman?
ReplyDeleteA snowwoman is easier to make, 'cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the
head and pack all that extra snow into balls to make its bits
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
Castrated.
What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
The men who do make it to Heaven are going to have a rude awakening up there
when they find out two things: God is a woman...and she nailed down all of
Heaven's toilet seats!
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women.
What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up.
Hi Bev,x
ReplyDeleteAt least i tried to be impartial........LOL.
HERE'S one i copied from the other forum...............ITS A CRACKER.!!!???
Bev/Jilly will shoot me if she sees I have posted this joke!!
2 men sitting on the river bank fishing. Both enjoying the silence.
After a while the first man said to his mate
'I am thinking of divorcing the wife as she hadn't spoken to me in two months'
His mate repled
'think carefully. Wives like that are difficult to find'
Ian
pmsl......Sorry Ian.!!..........but it was TOO tempting.!?
em, Ian could be in trouble tonight, he has to remember I have 3 foot of metal chain for a craft project. It could be used for other things!!
ReplyDeletePhil Clark has a lot to answer for, does anyone know how he is??
Evening All. Back to work for one day, and war has broken out ??? George ? Those ain't your size dude, and the colour is all wrong...xx
ReplyDeleteBig Guy ? Fire & meat & hammock = A great bank holiday weekend.....I am working :-(( xx
Bev ? Keep going ! xx
Hi Elise,,,you working all weekend?? :(( xx
ReplyDeleteMy last Barbecue............
The firemen were very nice and stayed for a VERY well done burger and a coupla beers!! LOL
ha ha ha ha ! Excellent Big Guy ! Off tomorrow [you are all gonna pay !], then working Sat,Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs ......... I will be a quackered lil' Duck at the end of all that....especially now with 'she who must be obeyed' stomping around the place....a right little Hitler......so, enjoy your hot, lazy, hammock swinging, meat burning, alcohol swigging weekend....while I do the mundane job of saving lives, and generally keeping people alive..... :-(( xx
ReplyDeleteElise.x......at least yer off for the Wedding.........huh.........Think i get a job just for that day..........Remember Charles & Diana wedding day,& that was like pulling teeth out.....!!!?
ReplyDeleteOh dear.......That new Manager cracking the whip........Time to get yours out......!!!
Is it a Hospice type place you work.,& must be satisfying as well as frustrating..!!
Is this a sign of the times. I brought pair of pink furry handcuffs because they were in the sale and I wanted to use the fur on a picture
ReplyDeleteDid someone mention firemen, I am on my way!!
Tim is off to a party tonight with the latest bird. Scary. He has to be in by 12 or he has to come out with us all weekend, works better than grounding him
Ians bloody viagra alarm is going again. Please tell me why it goes off at 6 and he doesn't take it until 8!!!!!
lol xx
Bev maybe the Viagra alarm going off two hours before Ian takes it is to give you chance to "Catch up!!" LMAO
ReplyDeleteFurry handcuffs and chains,,sounds like you are gonna have waaaay too much fun this weekend!!! xx
Bev....No Comment...At All !!!! xx
ReplyDeleteJohn, I work in a Nursing Home, but it also has an Acute rehab side which I manage, for short term, post op patients, I manage their care, involve physio, OT, liase with GPs, Consultants etc. I also manage the full time Social Activities programme for the home, it includes all sorts, Arts & Crafts, Bingo, Gardening, Bus Trips, Shopping trips, Photography, Bird watching, Musical afternoons, clay modelling, etc etc etc
ReplyDeleteI would like to go into full time Palliative/End of Life/Hospice work, at some stage. Difficult with 2 small kids, maybe in a few years time ?? My background was Orthopaedics/Surgical/Maxillo Facial in London for years. Thanks for asking dude xx
Mmmmmmm.....Will I switch the light off then .....????
ReplyDeleteHi Elise x......Quiz night tonite.....just back. from a drubbing...As i say every time...I had the right answers to to the wrong questions.....Still won on the raffle.....All for charity,so aint bad........Thanks for describing what you do & hope everything works out for you x.....Is quiet on here, going by postings though....
ReplyDeleteI'll do that Elise don't want you getting cold! LOL Nite Nite xx
ReplyDeleteNite all,