Sunday, 10 April 2011

Sunday knockers!

Good Morning/Evening Sunday Peeps,,,nuther nice sunny and warm day,,bagged a few rays yesterday in the garden and looks like a top up on the cards this afta!

I see the Jovo's are already out and about en masse here today, wanting to "spread the word",,but I'm afraid not really the Sunday morning "knockers" I look forward too!

Just watching the F1 Malaysian Grand Prix(Morning George)while her Ladyship has a lie in,,otherwise a lazy day in the sun planned!

 

Have a"Chilled"Sunday Folks,

Cheers

MILKING MACHINE.
 
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.
So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.     When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.
He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.      He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.
Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile phone (Thank God for mobile phones!).
'Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.     It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'
'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep, 'The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons.'
 
"Have a nice day!".....

40 comments:

  1. Good morning, how was the curry??

    Its gorgeous here is Bristol so its back on the swing for us when his lordship wakes up, He has asked me towake him at 9.30. Em, me thinks I may forget and enjoy the fact that both my men are asleep. Such peace!!

    What is it with formula 1????

    Keep being good my lovelies

    xxxx

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  2. Morning Bev :) The Bhuna was a proper "Bum burner",,luckily no patterns on the plates to lose! LOL

    How ya gonna wake Ian Bev??,,LOL,,Happy Swinging!! xx

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  3. Hope the loo roll was cold enough. Wake my men, no chance!!

    Ian is to grumpy in the mornings to wake him with exercise!!

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  4. Morning Bev & Phil..........Loved the joke matey,& the 'knockers'.....We get the older 'watchtower' fraternity come around on a Tuesday morning......Spot them a mile off....Think i set MIL on them this time, as she's an argumentative type..!!?...Bet its sunnier here,Bev x.....!!!!......'Chester,the dogs limp is a little better today,& i/m praying hard here,its only a sprain.......So NO 'dogging' today...

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  5. Bet its not John!!! Its gorgeous and peaceful!! I'm in the garden on the swing with me lappy. What more could a girl want!!!

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  6. Morning John,,Glad to hear Chester's leg is looking a bit better!

    Wanna push Bev? LOL xx

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  7. They are still asleep. I think I may be trouble! Oh well will wake his lordship at 12. I'm making cards in the garden. Lush. Lots of coffee and peace.

    I love my men but I am loving the peace and quiet.

    b

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  8. Morning All xx Beautiful sunny day here in The Rebel County



    Peace reigns come 12 midday, himself and the 2 leprechauns are off to MOL ......... ahhhhh....cant wait !

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  9. Mornin 'All.

    I'm completely kernackered after my long day away, and totally pissed off that Mike's WBA beat Sunderland (AT HOME TOO!) yesterday.
    What more can go wrong?

    Sod it all. where's my sun-lounger?

    Bill (in the permanent sun of Thailand), sent these wise words.
    I particularly like the first of them (hello girls!)


    CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY BUT COULD HAVE.....


    Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient..

    Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

    Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

    Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

    Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

    Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

    Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

    Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

    War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

    Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

    It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

    Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

    Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

    Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

    Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.


    Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . ..


    "A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

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  10. Good Moaning George xx Get outside and get that tan worked on !! Gotta meet the famous 'Cuprinol Man' in June y'know ! BTW, am liking the first line too ! xx

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  11. We are hoping to see an all over tan me darlin xx

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  12. Hi George,Elise.x
    Like the second to end one................so true.!!
    Vals arguing with her Mum again,& not even had time for brekki yet.!
    Or been on the only Girls Aloud f/b.
    If you all didn't live so far,i do a barbie(mycoprotein of course) for us all..!!?.........sh!t..... juicy steaks only oh well!!
    I send yer pics later Bev of my tan.!!......Its boiling here.!!

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  13. George doesn't splash out on expensive sun oil,(As if!!!!) but utilises his Sunday dinner ingredients,,,,gives him a nice colour and makes him VERY popular with the dogs in the area!!

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  14. I like the name Girls aloud for the f/b group!
    Dear son is up and arguing already. Can I send him to you George.

    Ian will soon be awake....

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  15. PMSL Big Guy ! You are very chipper ! Bev ? Good luck !! xx John, steak for me please, medium RARE !! and a Malt ! :-) xx

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  16. Thanks George for your 'kind' words regarding my West Broms MAGNIFICENT victory yesterday over your Sunderland.
    My weekend is complete!!
    West Brom winning away.
    Our 'Black Country' arch rivals (Wolves) losing at home.
    Wonderful, what could spoil it!

    Damn, Kath's just invited 'Mother in Law' for tea.
    Weekend ruined!!!

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  17. Poor Mike ! xx

    ....and it was going soooooo well for you ! xx

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  18. Hi Mike....
    Good win....nuff said....Hi George...
    Huh !!! MIL for one afternoon for tea (yeah sympathise) .....But .......try 11 days of MIL..!!!!!!!!!
    I warn you all this is the greatest EnduranceTest I've ever had to face,& i might just not make it....Wish me well friends,& pray for me to overcome all odds..........LOL

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  19. slip a 'glenny' into her tea......... xx

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  20. Haha xx....probably still yak on.!!

    Currently looking up Strychnine on e.bay..............but don't tell Val.!!!!!!...................LOL

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  21. PMSFL !! xx Secret is safe with me dude xx

    Gotta go wash my car ..... eeeeewwwwww !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  22. But is it safe with me 'cos you did not say hello to me. See I'm all hurt now and may sneak on you!!!!!

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  23. Ha Ha Ha Ha ! You in BIG trouble now John !! GOOD LUCK !! xx

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  24. Well me lovelies I am off back to the garden as I am making flowers and crafting. Jane Palnt would be proud I've made his lordship carrot cake, quiche and pate.

    See you later.

    John, be scared, be very scared!!!!!! xx

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  25. Guys ?? What gets TAR off your car ? Suggest something that I might have in the house...bloody hell its covered ! Damm roads !!

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  26. Bev,...........flustered here.umm...look back at 5th post in.. i said Morning Bev, I admit it was to Phil as well......will that do.?....If not,.........how about me being your slave for a day......yer know,ironing,washing,hoovering,cooking,& be at your beck & call for a whole day..........................................................................Yeah right.!!!!. xx

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  27. we had a nice lady from the jovah door knocker company round this week.
    She didnt stay long.
    May have been because I was naked when I answered the door.
    Not a pretty sight.

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  28. LOUD AND PROUD Keith! Am liking the tactic!! LMAO,,,not enjoying the mental image however!! LOL

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  29. Elise,if you don't want to go to motor shop for "Tar remover" soak tar in turps,leave for an hour then remove,,wash well after, xx

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  30. Turps......White spirit is all I have Big Guy ?

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  31. Oh....and a Jerrican of Petrol.......?! xx

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  32. Ha !!!! Turtle Wax Bug & Tar Remover !!!!!!!!! That should help !! If not, I'll get the Jerrican out !! xx

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  33. Thanks for the offer John, I already have a slave - the old man!!!!!!!! I'll let you off!

    xx

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  34. Nice one Keith..

    Elise,if its that bad,then the Council Highways Dept are liable,so maybe thats your next step......I would use my Auto Glym tar remover i have for localised tar stains,or Autosmart Tardis tar remover is another good one...Petrol will work,but watch the fumes.......WD-40 also & white spirit.....wax & polish area after though ....Really better to go with renowned tar removal applications,so Turtle Wax Bug & Tar Remover may just be the answer..
    Thing is you need to give it a real good hand rub,as it can be so stubborn to remove..... go gal...........lol xx

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  35. Cheers John....aching already...will need a massage after all this hard work !! xx

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  36. uuummm...John....What happens if I leave this stuff on for longer than the manufacturers reccomended ONE minute.....?????? XX

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  37. Melt the car.!!!!!!!!!?..lol......No idea as haven't used that one,but nothing too drastic,i would think.!!.......Hey, Val tells me you have been hard at it for 4 hours...................Wow.!..x

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  38. Hi John...yes, nearly 5 hours to be honest, and still not finished......used the entire bottle of the Turtle wax stuff. It was okay, but worked better after about 30 minutes......car still there, and paintwork not stripped off yet ! xx

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  39. hi guys, now you know me I never laugh at Ian!! Well this evening I nearly lost the plot, We were in church, a new church for us, as the vicar said stand up the alarm on Ian mobile went off, Now this is bad enough. What made we laugh was it was to remind him to take the old Viagra!!!!!!!

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  40. PMSL Bev, I hope you whispered 'That's his Viagra Alarm' LOUDLY to all aound you! LOL

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