A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but ...
... with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150." ROFLL
Don't fret my Lil' Duck. YOU ARE LOVED!!! Whoaaaaa, hold me back!
I have tried all day to post again, BUT (you guessed it), I fink I've really fcucked up my 'puter this time, doh!
Here I am, grabbing a minute on a borrowed pc to let you know that in typical Laurel & Hardy style, I've got myself into another fine mess'. Some fecking trojan has gotten through and it's gonna take me a while to (attempt) to fix the damage.
Somehow I can see a complete reformat being needed (and you all know how much I LOVE that!!...Arggggghhh).
I must get all my stuff re-installed (particularly as we have a a BIRTHDAY ALERT...Monday).
If I can't do a good greeting for Val, then I'll be hanging my head in shame!
Wish me luck!
And hey, you guys......GIVE THE DUCK A BREAK! She needs some TLC.(but I'm still gonna get her for that hurtful knob & bollocks photo yesterday).
GEEZUS GEORGE !!!!!! How many times have you had to do a reformat in the last couple of years ???? Hope you have back ups handy - Hmmmmmm - also about 5000 updates ! PMSL ! GET A NEW PC !!!!!!!! Love ya ! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
So, Roger made that all important comment and
ReplyDeleteWE'VE NOT SAID 'GOODBYE' TO THE DUCK!
Let's hope George enjoys his virtual duck shoot. Less than six months to go to the start of the feathered duck shooting season!
Ian
You're Duck is DEAD!
ReplyDeleteA woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but ...
... with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150." ROFLL
Am getting the feeling that I am unloved ...
ReplyDeleteLove the gags, Ian. lol
ReplyDeleteDon't fret my Lil' Duck. YOU ARE LOVED!!! Whoaaaaa, hold me back!
I have tried all day to post again, BUT (you guessed it), I fink I've really fcucked up my 'puter this time, doh!
Here I am, grabbing a minute on a borrowed pc to let you know that in typical Laurel & Hardy style, I've got myself into another fine mess'.
Some fecking trojan has gotten through and it's gonna take me a while to (attempt) to fix the damage.
Somehow I can see a complete reformat being needed (and you all know how much I LOVE that!!...Arggggghhh).
I must get all my stuff re-installed (particularly as we have a a BIRTHDAY ALERT...Monday).
If I can't do a good greeting for Val, then I'll be hanging my head in shame!
Wish me luck!
And hey, you guys......GIVE THE DUCK A BREAK! She needs some TLC.(but I'm still gonna get her for that hurtful knob & bollocks photo yesterday).
LMAO
GEEZUS GEORGE !!!!!! How many times have you had to do a reformat in the last couple of years ???? Hope you have back ups handy - Hmmmmmm - also about 5000 updates ! PMSL ! GET A NEW PC !!!!!!!! Love ya ! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteGeorge, I am a bear with an iccle brain when it comes to computers but would it not be easier to buy a new one!
ReplyDelete