Sunday, 31 July 2011

Sunday nice ere'

 

Good Morning/Evening Sunday Peeps,..nice,bright sunny and warm in our neck of the woods today,

Tootling onto the Moors for a Family Sunday nosh at a country pub,,,have to record the Grand Prix!or leave it to George to give me a blow by blow account?(Yeah right LOL)

Remember yer mask today Matey no more infections from the rug rat invasion!!!

Hope you are all set for a relaxing day!!

Morning John..........

Cheers

Urine sample

Guy goes to the doctors - "Doc - I think I've broken my arm"

Doctor passes him a sample bottle and says "Fill this first thing in the morning and bring it in"

"WHAT - this is surgical, not medical - why the hell do you want a urine sample"

"Look - I'm the doctor and I'm also an expert when it comes to urine samples - no need to send it off to the path lab - a quick sniff and you'll be fully diagnosed"

"But ...... oh sod it - give it here"

So the guy goes home and next morning fills the bottle with........ some engine oil from his car, gets his wife to pee in it and then he ejaculates into it.

Takes it down to the surgery - gives it a good shake before handing it to the doc (thinks - 'sort THAT lot out you tosser')

The doc holds it up to the light frowning, takes a sniff and draws back then dips a finger in and tastes a drop.

"Come on then smartarse - what's the diagnosis then?" says the guy.

"Well, Mr Brown" says the doc.

"Your engine is seized, your wife is pregnant - by your brother -and if you don't stop playing with yourself your arm's never going to get better, is it!"

 

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12 comments:

  1. George Hardy31 July 2011 at 03:54

    Mornin' all,

    Elise at work, Phil away to the puib and John stuck in a trance ...glued to his computer, eyes rolling as he stares at the wriggling butts above.

    Val thinks he's had a seizure and has called 999.

    Sounds like a typical Sunday in Bollocks World, lol

    Yes Phil.....rugrat invasion imminent, and I'm just donning my chemical hazard suit and mask.

    Sunday...bloody Sunday!!! Argggghhhh!

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  2. Elise Cotter31 July 2011 at 10:20

    ha ha ha ! Will you EVER stop moaning George !? xx I survived work, its nice not killing myself now, ALMOST enjoyable ! [steady !] well, my child minder has dumped me and mine, so looking for another. Seems I dont work enough now to keep her happy.....and by text message no less, that has upset me more than anything, as we have been close friends for the last 4 years....very upset here to be honest. xx

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  3. Phil Thompson31 July 2011 at 10:59

    Hi Sweetie :)),,Flippin cheek,,she has dumped you????Not surprised you are upset ,,,she wants your kids for longer??????

    Time for a tincture or three!! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Elise Cotter31 July 2011 at 11:05

    Tell me about it Big Guy xx i am really upset, after all this time....AND BY TEXT !!!!!! I am gutted xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. john sherwood31 July 2011 at 11:46

    Being friends as well Elise..xx....makes it so much worse..Feel for you,& hope you get another as soon as.....

    Been the best day of July today as had wall to wall sun here.....& hotting up to as August appears....

    Hey George I'm out my trance now,& thanks for your concern & keeping it a secret matey...LOL....

    Won't tell you who won the F1 Phil.......in case you recorded it,so i think i button it..!!!?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Elise Cotter31 July 2011 at 12:30

    Thanks John xx I don't really know what to think here. She was asked to mind another child, I suspect more hours, and in a way cannot blame her, but....there are ways of telling people bad news, and to drop it suddenly by text message would not be my choice, however hard the conversation......

    Glad you had a good day xx dull, gray miserable humid day here...matches my mood to a 'T' at the moment xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. George Hardy1 August 2011 at 04:16

    Elise? We've got a word for someone like your 'friend'.........She's an ARSEHOLE!!

    Don't forget, the P & G child care organisation has an awesome reputation, and comes with lots of 'fringe benefits' (so I'm told). : )~

    ReplyDelete
  8. Elise Cotter1 August 2011 at 04:23

    Well, thanks for that george, however, I can foresee a little problem or two......mainly, I am up at 0530am for work......kids need minded from 7am onwards......I pay well, but the hours are crap....can you make it here for Weds, 7am dude? if so, the job is yours ! xx

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  9. George Hardy1 August 2011 at 04:27

    I foget to mention....we sleep over! LMAO

    ReplyDelete
  10. Elise Cotter1 August 2011 at 04:41

    PMSL !! Got a cracking purpose built Guest Room here dude....best damm shower on the planet xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. George Hardy1 August 2011 at 08:05

    Don't need a guest room...we specialise in giving 'Yummy Mummies' a five star service...... we bring the cat in at midnight and put the hubby outside. : )~

    ReplyDelete
  12. Elise Cotter1 August 2011 at 08:34

    ha ha ha ha ! xx

    ReplyDelete

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