Gooooood Mooning Folks
Another Hump Day Is Here
(where's the viagra?)
Hoping today finds us all well, relaxed and
READY FOR SUMMER
(Please tell me we're going to get one!)
Another Hump Day Is Here
(where's the viagra?)
Hoping today finds us all well, relaxed and
READY FOR SUMMER
(Please tell me we're going to get one!)
George And THE Dragon
ReplyDeleteA couple of hikers were tramping through the countryside and had lost their way, so by the time they arrived at the "George and Dragon", the village pub where they'd arranged to stay the night, the doors were locked and the owners had gone to bed.
They knocked timidly on the front door and a head appeared at an upstairs window and shouted fiercely, 'Go away. Don't you know what time it is? We're closed,' and the window slammed shut.
Undeterred, the hikers knocked again.
'What is it now?' demanded the head.
'Could we speak to George this time please?' asked on the hikers.
Tim has left for a boys trip to newquay.
ReplyDeleteIan off to Guildford for a cystoscopy tomorrow. Me I am on the valium!
George and the Dragon??
ReplyDeleteLMAO....James, depending on when I wake up, I can have either head on.
Today it's George....yesterday is was the fire belching dragon! lol
Here is a joke which could only have come from our good mate Mark down there in North London:
Q: What is long, green and has "cum" in it?
ReplyDeleteA: A cucumber.
I do apologise for that one, I'll get my coat now.............
OMG Bev,
ReplyDeleteMy best wishes go to Ian for that cystoscopy.
I won't spoil his day by mentioning mine back in 2005.
OK..I will, LMAO
April 2005....I was at the hospital for the op at 8am in the morning, and was told that I should be home 3pm (seven hours).
I finally got out of that hospital 7 days and 7 hours later!
But, hey....don't worry...that was South Shields, my local third world hospital. They do their best to kill ya in there, lol
Guildford should be a piece of cake!
JAMES? You're a very NAUGHTY BOY!
ReplyDeleteLMAO
Well, I'm ready and prepared for summer.
ReplyDeleteBring it on!
Seriously some pictures on here should contain a warning! lol
ReplyDeleteThe bartender asks Mike who is sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?'
Mike answers, 'A scotch, please.'
The bartender hands him the drink, and says, 'That'll be five dollars,' to which Mike replies, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.'
Iain, a lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, 'You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.'
The bartender was not impressed, but says to Mike, 'Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again.'
The next day, Mike again walks into the bar. The bartender says, 'What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back.'
Mike says, 'What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life.'
The bartender splutters, 'I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.'
To which the Mike replies, 'Thank you. Make it a scotch.'
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
ReplyDeleteHe looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks ... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and finally Hot.
She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... what about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his balls
Two clever jokes on the trot....Now you have me stumped! (I can't 'do' clever) till all six of my brain cells wake up.
ReplyDeleteSix brain cells George, thats wishful thinking on your part surely!!!
ReplyDeleteOK OK OK....I exaggerate a litle bit at times.....
ReplyDeleteGeeeez, you can be cruel to the old and senile can't you??
yep. Thats what Ian tells me, I can me mean, very mean!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm concerned...
ReplyDeleteShe ain't lost...she's competing at the DUCK OLYMPICS (in the A-Quackit Centre), lol
ReplyDeleteNOW THIS IS VERY VERY NAUGHTY
(thanks for sending it to me, Sir Mark).....but blame James, not me...HE started it (and I'm easily led).
Bringing this blog back to an even keel... Some Animal Olympics now...
ReplyDeleteCan anyone guess that I'm working from home today???
ReplyDeleteEasy guess....you reply fast as lighting! lol
ReplyDeleteCute piccies of Guinea Piggies?? What is this world coming to? LMAO
Thanks for keeping it on an even keel, James.
Morning everyone!
ReplyDeleteHaving a great time working at the olympics as a 'Gamesmaker'
Met lots of celebrities and I understand President Putin of Russia visiting my venue today!
Looking in when I can and I just have time to post this:-
ALL ME MR. INSENSITIVE!
INSENSITIVITY.....
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did...
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop
before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Could only use it for
half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me
with everything I need - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the
lot.."
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the
worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center, but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber
jackets.