MORNING FOLKS ON A WETTISH START TO THE DAY,DARN SARTH....
JUST CHECKING YOU ARE UP..!!!!
& A BIG BIG 'FEEL GOOD FACTOR' FROM OUR OLYMPIC BRIT TEAMS FANTASTIC PERFORMANCES ....SO FAR..............BRILLIANT.!!
WELL......I THINK I'LL JUST PUT ON MY PANTS & GET MOVING,AS LOTS TO DO.
& ONE FROM THE LOCKER.......
Sneezing.....
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded,& replied.........yes....."Pepper."
Love that joke, John...(hope you've got your pants on now!).
ReplyDeleteGood news day all round innit?
I hope you all got this mail:
Dear Friends,
Some better news on Mark. His daughter Gemma says he is showing signs of improvement, has been awake and chatty. and the doctors say his liver reading has improved slightly. They are also hoping to get him out of bed soon. As she said at the end of her message..."Watch this space!"
And here is the lastest posting by his friend Grahame on the PCC forums this morning:
Dear all,
Mark had an amazing day yesterday, sitting up in bed, laughing and joking and fully coherent.
He ate a full dinner (the first meal for over a week) and watched some of the London2012 events.
His Brother has flown back from his holiday and Mark has now seen all of the family.
The Hospice has said that this sort of improvement is not uncommmon even though Mark is not being treated in anyway, purely pain relief.
Grahame
Let's all pray we hear a lot more good news.
George
That's really great news about mark xx
ReplyDeleteGeorge, MANY thanks for the email up-date, very pleased he had a good day, many more to come we pray.
ReplyDeleteJohn, thanks for your wishes,
Sent another fax to the surgery this morning asking them to get Jan, May and August results, watch this space, miracles happen occasionally in NHS burocracy !!
Yes i have pants on now,as i wouldn't want the cat to suffer tooooo much....
ReplyDeleteGreat news on Mark,& his family must be so elated to.....
Marks resolve is just remarkable............what a guy.!!
George thanks for the update on Mark's condition, great news for his family and himself.
ReplyDeleteAs John said, Marks resolve is remarkable.
I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law last night and I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
ReplyDelete'This is the 21st century, old man!', my son-in-law said……. 'We don't waste money on newspapers……… here, you can borrow my iPad.'
I can tell you………. that bloody fly never knew what hit it!
Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London .
ReplyDeletePaddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".
Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."
"Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business" said Mick.
They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2..00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."
The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"
"Well yes," said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"
The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
Involuntary Muscle Contraction
ReplyDeleteProfessor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the
mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what
your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.'
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!
My Many Trips
ReplyDeleteI have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's pretty warm there, especially when I sneeze.
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
ReplyDelete"Windows frozen."
Husband texts back:
"Pour some luke warm water over it."
Wife texts back:
"Computer completely fucked now."