Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,
,,Grey but warmer as we head towards the weekend
Heading for Teesport today as my old Navy Mate docked last night on his tanker and it's time for a catchup over a few jars...
,,Taxi there and back so I may be MIA for a while
LOL
Hope your Thursday is a Good un'
Cheers
|
Dear Doctor,
I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are absolutely useless.
After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm Method." Whilst trying the samba and the tango my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha.
My doctor then suggested we use the safe period. At this time we were living with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period, when the house was empty. Needless to say this didn't work.
A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like Coors, but I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.
Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and down after sex this would prevent pregnancy. After breast-feeding (from earlier), if my wife jumped up and down she would have ended up with two black eyes, and even knocked herself unconscious.
I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated how easy it was to use so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can prevent a baby.
My wife was then supplied with the coil and after many unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.
The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas...it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.
Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it....another child resulted.
You must appreciate my problem: if this operation is unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.
Thank you for your time. |
Hi Phil,
ReplyDeleteI put "Phil's Old Navy Mate" into Google and this came up:-
As an Ex-Merchant sailor please explain:-
a) Why is his RIGHT hand on his hip in that way? What does it mean?
b) What is he going to do with that 6" thing in his LEFT hand?
WELL..........
ReplyDeleteHELLO SAILOR!!!!! : )~
Hey Mike,
Thanks for posting that photo. You know exactly what I'll do, don't you?
Before you know it I'll have 'photoshopped' Phil's face onto it, and I'll store it safely to wind him up at a later date!
I LOVE IT! lol, Thank You.
Mind you, I'd also have to chop 4 inches of that thing he's holding! : }~
ReplyDeleteThe clue is in his hat band Mike "US Navy!",,,I believe you have to be gay to join!LMAO
ReplyDeleteThat's a Bosun's whistle in his left hand,,the Bosun is the boss of the sailors and if he likes the way you blow his whistle you get extra grog!!!