Friday : Basket case!

Good Moaning All

(and I really do mean good MOANING!)

I've noticed a lot of glitches happening on this Multiply website.
I think they must be dismantling it a bit at a time.

Never mind, we'll be in a new home in a month or two...and certainly well before the December date they stated.

My other HUGE moan is the fact that since my vascular trouble was discovered, my beta-blockers have been stopped so that I can take calcium channel blockers.
FFS! If you thought I was a nervous wreck before, you wanna see me now!

I shake from morning till evening...a proper little Mr Jelly.
Anyone got some dope to sell me?
(and I don't mean John boy!)


Hey, Pauline and Terry have been sending me a lot of funnies, thank heavens
(it means I don't have to over-use my three brain cells searching for new ones!)

Look out for them all.



HAVE A LAZY FEW DAYS
AND
PLEASE DON'T BE GOOD!

Thirsty Thursday......

ERR.. YES PLEASE.!!...........

 

TWO QUICKIES......

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. “I’m 90 years old,” he says. “90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?” “Oh, sorry…” says the old man, “How much do I owe you?”....

 

 

A New book......

A man goes into a Waterstones bookshop and asks the young female clerk,"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?.....but, I can't remember the title.

" She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

The man said, "That's the one. I'll take a copy."......

 

 

 

 

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York , and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac convention in the United States ."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to disprove some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy.!!"

Busy, Busy.

Hi Everyone,

Busy, Busy.

Later today (Wednesday) I am off to London for my volunteering role in the Paralympic Games.I am sure volunteering at the Para Games will be just as brilliant as the Olympics were.

Fabulous people!

 

 

Then home late Friday and off to Cologne, Germany on Saturday morning for the annual 'Hand Tool' trade fair. Kath and her two sisters coming with me (while I am working they are sightseeing down the Rhine) 

People are always surprised at how EXCITED I can be at the thought of Hand Tool exhibitions. Three days of talking about Shovels, fabulous!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back home Wednesday next week and then off to London again for more Paralympic shifts.

We have tickets for 7 a side football at the main park on Sunday 9th and then watching closing ceremony on a big screen at the stadium.

 

On Monday 10th I am hoping to be chosen as one of the 9000 representatives (of the 70000 volunteers) for the athletes parade in London.

 

So VERY busy next week or so, looking forward to it.

 

Have a GREAT time whilst I'm away, I will be looking in!

 

Mike

Wednesday: It must be HUMP DAY!

Good Mooning All


I can't believe James can read me like a book.

(See Tuesday's posts)
Bloody 'ell, he's been on the site a few months and he knew exactly what I was up to!
I am gutted. The secret is out.
No hiding place for me now, is there?

LMAO




There's just no fooling some people

DAMN IT!

Bloody'ell.....IT'S TUESDAY!!

Good Moaning Peeps


I'm back..totally knackered...but I still have a pulse!
I see you've all been behaving yourselves.

THAT'S NOT GOOD!

As promised, something to keep James happy today:

A sheep from the South Lakes
(and I have her number if you want it James)
Well, it WAS tattooed on her earhole!!





Those last two car stickers were from past holidays in Snowdonia
Depends on how far you want to travel for a blind date, huh?

LMAO

Bank Holiday Monday

Good morning campers!

This is really going to confuse my brain, as Tuesday will now feel like a Monday, and when I get over that shock, Friday will be here and it'll be another weekend. Damm, anymore of this and it'll be like I've retired.

On a good news front, my team didn't lose yesterday, merely gifted the Mancs two goals though. Hopefully, this show of charity will disappear in the next game.

Now for some jokes..
A man walked into a bank, got in line and when it was his turn he pulled out a gun and robs the bank. 
But just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line: 
'Did you see me Rob this Bank?' 
The customer replies 'Well, yes!' 
The bank robber raises his gun, points it at his head and shoots him. 
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, 
'DID ... YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB... THIS... BANK?' 
The man calmly responds, 'No, but my wife did.' 


My wife who is blonde came running up to me in the driveway the other day, just jumping for joy!
I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy about."
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant! I was ecstatic!
We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said "Oh, honey, There's more."I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to Have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Tesco and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"


In the week before the Bank Holiday, Alan, a poor country farmer called won £1,480,000 in the Lottery. As a treat he took his wife and their four children to see the sites of London.
They booked into the Park Lane Hilton. Having never been further than their local town, Malton in Yorkshire they were bowled over by glitz and excitement of the big city.
Alan and his son Sam were especially mesmerised by a shiny box with silver walls. They had never before met with doors that could move apart, and then automatically come back together again. Neither had seen an elevator [lift] before.
Therefore, they were amazed when a little old lady entered the shiny box and the door closed. The lights outside on the wall flashed for a minute, then the doors opened and out came a beautiful young woman.
Alan turned to his son Sam and said, 'Son, go get your mother.'

George is away

Morning everyone.

George is away playing but promises us photo's of his loved ones when he returns!

 

 

This one made me smile:-

Chemist shop

   A blond girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on holiday
for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on
her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the
contraceptives....

"Look," he said. "My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they'll ask for
a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large]. The word condom won’t even be
used.

The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the
shop, put out his hand and said "350".

The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her
predicament.

" Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs"
her boss told her.

She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his
legs. "Yes!" she said " He's got one hanging there!"

 

 

The boss said "Go back in and give him £3.50, he's the window cleaner!"

 

Sunday Sunshine (hopefully)

Sunday Sun (with the odd shower)

Since I haven't started a post off for a while, thought it was about time that I did. As always it's hard (I wish) to think of something to begin with. Since the X-Factor is back on TV, and no I don't watch it (I sit on my PC and turn the speakers up to drown out the wailing from below), I thought I would start off with some music.

This guy would be the equivalent of Susan Boyd, such is his looks and incredible size (makes George look svelte).

His name is Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, I'll let you Google him for a picture.

Just incase any of you think I'm a softy, this is what I picture laying next to listening to that music.

 

Saturday rain

RAINING HERE ON THIS LAST BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND BEFORE XMAS...HUH.!!

NEEED A DISTRACTION URGENTLY........

THAT'LL DO....LMAO.....

VAL'S THINKING OF TAKING UP CYCLING ,WHAT WITH THE TOUR OF FRANCE,& TEAM G.B's OLYMPIC SUCCESS WE'VE HAD...........SOOOOOO THOUGHT I COULD KILL 'TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE',SO TO SPEAK.....

 JUST A THOUGHT.!!!

WELL ITS BEEN A SAD SAD TIME,BUT I KNOW MARK WOULD WANT US TO CARRY ON REGARDLESS.....SO BE IT.!!........ONE OLDIE FROM MARK THAT TICKLED ME AT THE TIME.!!!...

 

A Vicar books into a hotel and says to the receptionist " I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled!"

She replies "No sir, It's just regular porn, you sick bast@rd"

 

HAVE A GREAT DAY ALL......LOCAL CLUB & FOOTIE FOR ME...CHEERS.!!

 

AUSSIE OUTBACK

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.

Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.

'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.' crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the room, A 'blonde' woman timidly spoke up.......... 'I'll try it - but please don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'.......

 

Friday: Ffffffunnies

Good Mooning Folks

And a timely warning from one of our longtime lady members:

Thursday: What a blast from the past!!

Gooooood Moaning Folks

There was a real treat in my inbox today.

Terry sent me a photo taken at Leicester in 2010.
He asked why it wasn't in the albums and I have to admit...
I'd forgotten all about it.

SEPTEMBER 2010
MILL ON THE SOAR

The Bollocks gang returning from their annual swim in the
River Soar, having terrified the fish and
seriously pissing off the anglers!

Wednesday Hump Day Again!

Good Mooning All
&

It's groundhog day too (for me)
Out of bed ridiculously early for the fourth day running, and off yet again to hospital for yet another bleedin' scan, duh!


I'm a bit worried that they'll see right through me and discover secrets I didn't want revealed



or even worse......


LMAO

Tuesday: Wakey wakey!

WAKEY WAKEY!!




Geeez, you're a set of lazy buggers!


Ok, I'm joking.

But I can truthfully say I didn't sleep in today
(I was out of the house before 9am for a hospital appointment)

That's three early mornings on the trot.

Can you please check that it's still me typing...and not some imposter??

Chris has sent me some great pics , but I think I'll just use the one for today, and save the rest for other days.
This one is so appropriate: