Sunday titter...

Good Morning/Evening Sunday Peeps,,,thought I'd pop in and post a titter for ya after a sleepless night thinking of George's toothy mantrap clip!!.......I thought your DVD collection was still impounded George???

Enjoy a "Bite free"day

Cheers

Camilla, the Duchess of  Cornwall  bought new shoes for her wedding.

During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and

said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".

Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling!  But it's just so bloody tight!"

"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.

Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See!  I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"

At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen,  "That's my boy! He served in the Navy: once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"

 

Some groaners for ya...................

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite – All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary!

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43,  who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That’ll keep the lazy cow busy.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.

After a night of drink and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman and realised he had made it home safely.

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5  hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak!!

Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone. What sort of sick person  does that to someone’s Advent calendar…???

I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.  I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.   Nothing.

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play as a man who had been married for 25 years. Dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.”

Just had my water bill of £100 drop on my mat. That’s a lot.  Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month. Time to change my supplier I think.

2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread  for 30 minutes…. I think they were Hovis Witnesses.