Sunny here in the Midlands.
Postman in his shorts.
Must be almost summer (or am I just being silly)?!?
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Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "He's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon ..."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour, what's in the wagon -- just amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ugh ... not amazing .... wagon ran ... over me ... 30 minutes ago!"
Summer? You must be dreaming, Mike.
ReplyDeleteBut I fully believe the story of the Indian with his ear to the ground.
That would be your postman, in his shorts, beng found by two Birmingham builders, just after the newest Midlands Transport bus had careered through Stourbridge, : )~
Sunny with some clouds in the big smoke too. It's snowing too...
ReplyDeleteWe're missing Phil's jokes, so here are some terrible puns to groan about:
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car. A red carnation
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?
George, very clever and maybe.
ReplyDeleteGrant, I would say WORSE than terrible.
Here are some words of wisdom:-
a) Don't use a big word when a DIMINUTIVE one will suffice.
b) The best things in life are not things.
c) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
d) Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
e) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.