VALEN TYNE DAY

I don't think many people realise that the correct spelling of today's celebration is 'VALENTYNE'S DAY'.
Valen was a Geordie who lived on the Tyne almost two thousand years ago.
So prolific was his sexual prowess that the poor old Scots had to ask the Romans to build them a huge wall to protect them from Val and his merry men. It had got to the point where almost every new Scottish baby's first words were either 'Howay Man' or Why Aye Ye Bugger'.

His descendants were also responsible for the sudden departure of the Romans in the mid 5th century. By that time, 75% of the Roman army had Geordie accents and some very peculiar habits.

To this day his spirit lives on in Newcastle, and thousands of that city's population have retained the unmistakable physical features of old Val, terrifying we more civilised Sunderland supporters.

So....celebrate today?
Me?
 NO WAY!
Tonight I'll have nightmares.