Birthday Girl..

Good Morning/Evening Sunday Peeps,,,and a

VERY ...........SAMANTHA

Have a lovely day,,we all miss ya, and your cheeky quips (I said quips George!!)

Cheers xxx

 

Saturday Grey

Good Morning/Evening Saturday Peeps,,grey start to the day here after an evening of snow flurries last night.

Sampling day has arrived for my latest batch of gargle juice,,,only lost 4 bottles due to unforseen explosions and apart from the deployment of a SWAT team when the neighbours feared a terrorist attack ,no harm done!

I may be late posting in the morning!!LOL

Have a cracking Saturday!

Cheers

Q: Whay are hurricanes normally named after women?

A: When they come they are wet and wild,but when they go they take your house and car with them!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday pssssing down

Good Morning/Evening Friday Peeps,,Absolutely chucked it down all night and still going! Managed to catch the beast that pussy brought in yesterday,,it was a huge fearsome creature that I trapped single handed,,

Well maybe not sooo huge!LOL,,,Cute lil fellah really now back in the field telling his mates all about it. Have a good Friday and a cracking weekend Cheers Medical Young squaddie has to go to the med centre for his physical and they have an on loan Naval Medical Officer. Half waythrough the medical and the M.O has the lad's scrotum cupped in his hand. M.O says "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this kind of examination." Lad says, "I haven't got an erection!" M.O says, "No.......but I have."

 

Thursday Mousing!

/Evening Thursday Peeps,Lovely bright sunny morning here,,

Knackered this morning after trying to catch a wee mouse that pussy brought in from the fields circ 430am,,,,Hilary let the cat in squealed,,I got up and ended running round nekkid with a shoe box trying to catch the little bugger!,,,,needless to say it is currently residing under a haevy chest of drawers no doubt pi**ing itself at my half asleeo naked manouvers trying to trap the huge beast!!,,,,More strtatigic planning will follow after a coffee or three and I can get my eyes to stay open!.

Hope yoiu have a slightly more constructive day planned

Cheers

Holy  Bath  Night. ......

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.
Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, 'I've been saved.'

Saved? And how did that come about?' asked the old nun.

'Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.'

'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, 'And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.'

'Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly.

'At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.'

'That wicked old bxxxxxd, said the old nun. 'He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!

 

 

Cold Hump.

Good Morning/Evening Peeps,Cold start to the day but the white stuff seems to have passed us by,(Sorry Mike)

Tough luck with your motor too,,couldn't you leave Kath to fix the clutch while you go off on the "Singles"cruise??

Enjoy your Hump day Folks,

Cheers

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant.  The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly.  As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone.  The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.

Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine.  I have to share it with someone or I'll bust.  She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence. 
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs.  He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me
too."

Car problems!!!

Last week I decided to trade in my 4.1/2 year old Rover 45 for a new Kia which I am due to pick up next week.

Had 4.1/2 years trouble free motoring in the Rover when over the weekend the clutch went!! £300+++ to put right! (Why couldn't it have happened 10 days later)!!

 

Forced to cancel Kath from Caribbean cruise to pay for it.

Don't worry, I am sure I will make some friends on the ship!

Nice morning.

Good Morning/Evening Tuesday Peeps,,,another nice morning here but warning of more white stuff to come overnight..Mike has been given the good news and is already happily "Tooling up"!

Just off to run her Ladyship to work to make sure she gets there after her 9 days off!

Hope you have an equally peaceful day!!

Cheers

Rectum Stretcher
A driver was stopped for speeding. Asked his occupation he replied, "Rectum Stretcher!" "What the hell is that," asks the police officer. The driver says, "First you put one finger in, then two fingers in and then a fist in etc, until it's six foot wide." "What do you do with a six foot ar***ole??" asks the policeman. The driver replies, "Give it a uniform and a speed gun."

 

 

 

Monday Sun.

Good Morning/Evening Peeps,,,Bright and sunny start to the week here with a smattering of snow.

Your German "Jolly"sounds fun Mike?lotsa guys comparing the size of their hand tools,...Kath going or are you gonna have a "Jolly"on yer own??....

Once we get Monday out of the way hope you all have a good week,

Cheers

This talk of Germany reminded me of the "Eros"centre in Hamburg not too far from the docks where lonely sailors could pay the young ladies to engage in stimulating conversation (Something like that anyway!) LOL

The funny below was NOT me George!!!!

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

 He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.  He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing??

 ' The prostitute replies, 'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots  ' 'Three knots?' he asks. 'What's that supposed to mean??' She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back