COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO !
Morning Bollockeers ! How is it hanging today? Got up mighty early to beat Big Guy to the blog this morning ! Morning Big Guy xx [ he does like it when we come on here together....]
***
Well, it's a wet, gray day here in the Rebel County. Did anyone see where the summer went?
***
2 weeks today and "The Mill On The Soar" kicks off on it's annual drink-a-thon ! Errrr, catch up with all B2PCa members !
***
Well, it's a wet, gray day here in the Rebel County. Did anyone see where the summer went?
***
Have bought the above for George.....Hoping to calm him down a little !! He is getting over excited at the thought that La Duck will soon be in the same room as him !!!!! Quack Quack George !!
2 weeks today and "The Mill On The Soar" kicks off on it's annual drink-a-thon ! Errrr, catch up with all B2PCa members !
How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....
13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I?
Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....
13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.
By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
Morning Elise :)) xx,,Fine picture of a cock in your perky post and the "Any cockle doo"caught my attention! LOL
ReplyDeleteMorning Bollockeers,,cool grey and windless ere (Morning George) but we don't have Elise's "Wet"problem......Yet !!
Happy Friday,,,,back after a coffee! :))
Cheers
Morning Big Guy x You are very chirpy this morning ! I take it there is NO shopping planned today then ! Out the gap, see ya soon xx PS - Latte, extra coffee, brown sugar, and loads of froth please ! Back in 30 mins xx
ReplyDeleteHi Sweetie,,,seeing as you posted a clean one!!! setting a dangerous precedent!! LOL..............
ReplyDeleteThings Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These . .READ ON!!..........................
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits Just when the clock struck 11:00, Fernando Rodriguez , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Still Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00 At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a Bad Day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.
Are Ya OK Now? - No?
Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.
What? STILL having a Bad Day?
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits. God is good!
There now, Feeling Better?
ha ha ha ! very good Big Guy ! No, not making a statement, just thought of you ! xx Odd bit of sunshine here [won't last] and I am working tomorrow onwards....better not be hot and sunny, still working on the all over tan ! xx
ReplyDeleteLoved the first photo Elise.
ReplyDeleteYou certainly know a fine cock when you see one! LMAO
I'm a bit worried about you though. Aren't you feeling yourself this morning?
A CLEAN JOKE?
By the way. thanks for those tablets. I'd better start taking them this morning, maybe they'll work in time for Leicester.
Grrrrrrreat bad day jokes Phil, lol
Hey, it MUST be cold and grey in the 'Land of The Duck' today.
We had our usual webcam chat this morning, and I took this screenshot. (Couldn't resist adding some text!)
LMAO George !! Morning Boss xx Glad you are starting the meds early ! I didn't think I was too clean this morning ? A subtlety to start the day ! Love the Polar Bear ! Your mind is scarey at times ! xx
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of holes, [!!] saw this and thought of you George ! xx
In fact, I have hacked your computer this morning, and took this shot of you, practising for 2 weeks time [Cool Geordie trying to impress ! loving the 'hip' action ! PMSL]
Even caught ya trying to decide on a suitable 'lippie' for the weekend ! LMAO ! xx
Also caught this lil' cracker of you and Big Guy trying on each others stuff, in a vain attempt to look cool for MOS ! PMSFL ! xx
When I tried to copy/paste my picture in, the following came up....... !
What can I say !? xx
LMAO here!
ReplyDeleteWhat a chirpy Lil Duck. You've cheered up a lot Elise! (Did your bulk purchase of batteries arrive?) : )~
Hey, I got that same Error message whenever I tried to use my own photo as my avatar here.
Life's a bitch when you're so good looking, huh? ROFLMFAO
morning all....Just a quick entry.......in case putor gives up..
ReplyDelete.An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when--all of a sudden--a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
*** POOF ***
Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess."
*** POOF ***
She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.
"Ooh--can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
*** POOF ***
There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.
She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:
"Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered."
Thought for the day ...........
Who the fcuk picks up a guide dogs sh!t.
.
Morning John xx I have to say, I have never thought about Guide Dogs poo ! Maybe they are trained to use the WC !? Have a good one ! xx
ReplyDeleteGeorge xx We share the same cross my friend ! xx
Elise,
ReplyDeleteI love changing light bulbs:-
Here is another 'Clean' joke:-
ReplyDeleteCussing in church?
A crusty old man walks into the local Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"
" I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation.. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won £20million in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. "
"I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
Morning Mike xx Must be a huge light bulb then ! All set for the 25th ? No changes to my flight times [yet] Allister and I still arriving withing 15 mins of each other....fingers crossed now ! xx
ReplyDeleteNo probs! Looking forward to meeting you in FABULOUS Birmingham!
ReplyDeleteSee you at the airport (I will E-mail you and Allister next week).
Mike xx
Thanks Mike xx Looking forward to it xx
ReplyDeleteJust had a phone call from James, a truck has driven into him at the roundabout on way home. He says he is okay, and car can be driven, but he sounded terrible. I am shaking here....truck drove off, but Gardai caught up with him.....more later once I know what the damage is........
ReplyDeleteAwww hell Elise So sorry to hear that but thank God James is ok!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep us posted Sweetie,,sending a BIG Hug,XXXX
Thanks Big Guy xx still shaking ! xx
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read that Elise..........Take some deep breaths my friend.....Its always a shock to the system........ Hugs..x.
ReplyDeleteCheers John xx Looks like truck side lined him, trying to muscle into the lane......damage not too bad, off side wheel arch and down drivers side. He on phone to insurance now, will see what they say. What next eh? xx
ReplyDeleteGeeeeez Elise? What next indeed? I hope you and James have had a damn good 'effing session (and I mean profanities, NOT what Phil thinks!).
ReplyDeleteThere is always some 'Dick' in a truck isn't there?
George xx Your picture says 1000 words ! That applies to about 90% of the drivers here - bloody off their heads. Details exchanged, and truck driver does not admit liability. An assessor to come over monday to James at work and assess the damage. However, I am confident that from the pattern, he will know immediately whose fault it was, especially as front nearside tyre rim has been shaved too. All documented, I have taken photos, and will wait to see. James still a bit wobbly, but calming down now. My nerves on the other hand are feeling a bit tattered.....Thanks Guys xx
ReplyDeleteAn Essex maths teacher asks little Tracy, "What comes after 69?"
ReplyDeleteShe says, "Wet wipes and mouth wash miss."
Posh lot darn sarf!!! newspaper and broon ale up ere!!!
ReplyDeleteElise, a medicinal amber tincure sounds on the cards tonight Sweetie!! xxx
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking that Big Guy ! xx
ReplyDeleteWell, that was an interesting phone call from work....Apparently, I cannot now have the weekend of 25/26 June off, which I had requested, way back in January [and was approved]. I informed the 'Boss' that I was attending a Cancer Conference [!] which had been approved and subsequently booked in January. "With all due respect, you may roster me in to work, however, I will be in the UK......at the conference"......Is it my fault that they won't hire extra Nurses ? NOPE ! Do I care? Not at all - good luck to them staffing the place that weekend, as I will be at the 'conference' with all you Bollockeers :-)) xx
ReplyDeleteShakes gone now, waiting to put kids into bed, then Balvenie and me are having a looooooooooooong chat ! xx
PS - I know I know - I was the one who said what next George ! Oh, and BTW MR HARDY where the hell have I got the reputation as a 'Ball Breaker/Cutter off of balls' from eh ??????? CHIT CITY dude xx
Phil.......Anything above Watford Gap is North to me.......
ReplyDeleteElise..x ....Glad things settling down......But that is sure a bummer,re 25/26th & so glad of your attitude......Go Gal.!!?......... Nice way of putting it 'a Conference',haha ...........
John xx Everyone at work knows I am attending "The Cancer Conference" in leicester, where I will be one of the Guest Speakers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, not entirely untrue...is it....?!!! xx
ReplyDeleteCertainly Elise you will not be wanting for us queuing to speak with yer....just hope my slot is when sober..........luv yer...!!!!!!!!!!!!?
ReplyDeleteha ha ha ! I will bear that in mind John xx
ReplyDelete