Good Tuesday Morning Bollockeers
mmmmmm.....Seems like Multiply are playing games with me this morning.....it doesn't want to accept any text......
mmmmmm.....Seems like Multiply are playing games with me this morning.....it doesn't want to accept any text......
Just when I am trying to get dressed in a hurry too......
Anyway, Happy Tuesday People xx John & Val are in tropical Turkey, soaking up the sun, enjoying Belly Dancers and Turkish Delight....sigh....Rock on Leicester eh !?
Beautiful sunny day here in The Rebel County THANK GOD !!!!! Am sick of the rain !
Have a good one people xxx
One For Big Guy xx
Big Guy walks into a bar, and asks for a 'Bin Laden'..."What's that then ? " said the barman, "Two shots and a splash !" replied Big Guy !
Big Guy walks into a bar, and asks for a 'Bin Laden'..."What's that then ? " said the barman, "Two shots and a splash !" replied Big Guy !
Good Morning Elise :),,why are you trying to get dressed in a hurry?,,,wheredya sleep last night? LOL
ReplyDeleteBlue sky and sunshine here too after yesterdays strong wind (Morning George)..Hilary off today so no doubt once she arises there will be shopping on the agenda today..
Havea good un'
Cheers
Some one liners...........................
Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from Casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn'twhat I thought it was.
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
On the other hand, CAMRA have just set up a dating agency. It’s called CAMSHAFT.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection ... but she did.
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change dentists?
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador . But Mick said "I wouldn’t, have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is piling up!
A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him."Where are you from? You sound English", "Yes, I'm from across the Severn " replies the man nervously. "What do you do, just across the Severn ?", "I'm a taxidermist." "What on earth is one of those?", "I mount animals." "Its alright boys," shouts the barman "he's one of us".
I spent £40 on eBay last week for a penis enlarger. I’ve just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass!
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.
An old lady is being examined by the Doctor. He asks have you ever been bedridden? she says yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few times too! A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she’d like to come back as a cow. I said you’re obviously not listening.
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She said is that you or the beer talking ? I said it's me talking to the beer.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I’ve been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Blimey ! Morning Big Guy ! Makes my one liner seem a bit pathetic now ! After all the effort I went to for ya !! x Might as well have slept with my Chooks for all the peace I got.....JUST DON'T ASK !!!!!!!!! PMSL !! [not what ya think either !] Have a good one....be thinking of you, I know how much you LOVE shopping ! Well, unless there is some falling down water involved ! xx
ReplyDeleteElise. there is ALWAYS some falling down water involved if I HAVE to go shopping,,,("Terms and conditions apply!" )LOL xx
ReplyDeleteha ha ha ! Enjoy ! BTW can you pick me up a pint of milk please dude ?! xx
ReplyDeleteSemi skimmed ok? xx
ReplyDeleteerrrr, nope, full fat please for my Latte's....semi skinned just don't do good froth .... ! xx
ReplyDeleteMilk shake for me!! LOL xx
ReplyDelete(Don't think that will evade the PB police for long!)
ew ew ew ! dairy free diet for me now !!!!!!!! xx
ReplyDeleteGimme a Bin Laden, Elise....my head is killing me this morning.
ReplyDeleteOh shit, I've just looked at that sentence,
Whatever I type these days can be taken the wrong way!!! I swear I don't do it on purpose.
Phil, those were some of the funniest one-liners I've ever seen,. ROFLMBO here.
Went out for a good meal last night, all in all a good day - car sold, only minor rugrat incursions, and a quiet evening at The Sea Hotel, South Shields.
Now...about this wind...........Geeeeeeeeeeez it does nowt for my hair!
Oh no, there I go again, LOL
Awwwwww, poor George xx Well, I have some GREAT NEWS !!!! Mom text me to say she phoned Macmillan this morning, about getting Dad on their books. She was told that the GP had referred him !!!! Blimey ! He actually took note of my email for a change ! Do miracles happen ?????
ReplyDeleteGeorge? Punch and Judy ????? xx
Good news Colin has just had a phone call from his consultant and his scans are clear just a small problem with his liver, he needs a ultra scan.
ReplyDeleteThis is great news......thats the 2nd lot of good news today now....any takers on the 3rd ??????? !!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteQuiet tonight ? xx
Yep Great news about Colin!,,hope all goes just as well with the ultra scan!
ReplyDeletesee that PB police got ya Big Guy !! xx
ReplyDeleteYeah I held my hands up for that one! LOL xx
ReplyDeleteyou lasted a loooooong time though ........ you should be proud of your staying power Big Guy !! PMSL ! xx
ReplyDeleteWhat are you after?? LMAO xx
ReplyDeleteMoi ?? After something ???? Nooooooooo !!!!!!! xxxx
ReplyDeleteBummer, pity!! LOL
ReplyDeleteyou are a BAD BOY Big guy ! xx
ReplyDeletexx
ReplyDeletePMSL !! You are so funny ! xx
ReplyDelete