Tuesday pitter patter!!

Good Morning/Evening Peeps,,No Hilary isn't pregnant!but the driving rain on the bedroom windows woke me at 4am and it doesn't seem to have stopped since.,,Hilary off, and I wonder can heavy rain dampen the shopping urge?????(Clutching at straws I know)

Hope this depression settled over the North moves South where it belongs and the sunshine returns!!

Have a "Good un",

Cheers

Three Italian nuns

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be." The first nun says, "I wanna be a da Sophia Loren." And POOF! She's gone. The second says, "I wanna to be Madonna." And POOF! She's gone. The third says, "I wanna to be a Sara Pipalini ..." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks. "Sara Pipalini," replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St.Peter who reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says. "No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months." If you laugh, you are going straight to hell!

 

 

The first ever Blonde Guy joke?

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

As they started to eat their lunch the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, "Polony again! If I get a polony sandwich one more time, I'm jumping as well."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burritos, and jumped too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the polony and jumped to his death as well.

At their joint funeral, the Irishman's wife wept copiously. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I would never have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife was also weeping loudly, and said through her tears, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch".

Monday Already

Hiya Folks,

Monday already and Phil's writing about hot nipples!! Someone got too near that 'barbie' yesterday? lol

We had the biggest ever crash of thunder over our house in the early evening. You have never seen so many folks spontaneously eject from their seats! Funny thing was...Khan merely raised his head, looked around, then dozed off again, while the poor old cat was terror-struck.

WATCH DA BIRDIE

Monday already?

Morning Campers.Where did the weekend go?,,may have something to do with the "Barbie drink"Sherri was feeding me yesterday,a mixture of Vodka,tequila and Red Bull cola,

Hilary off for a week so anything may happen and I could be in a neighbourhood near you shortly!

Hope you survive Monday,

Cheers,-------------------------
Married 50 Years
-------------------------

A couple
had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast
table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

Sunday Barbie.

Good Morning/Evening Bollockeers,,,Late night, late start today,,nothing too taxing on the cards as we're off to a barbecue and hopefully take in the men's tennis final.

Hope you all have a relaxing Sunday (apart from George whoe no doubt will will be using his shepherding experience keeping the Grand kids in line!)LOL

Cheers.

Screw

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?" Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!" Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby — so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat himself. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house,,hair disheveld and blouse torn,, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad, it's called the twist!"

 

Saturday: Away day - Manchester???? Duh!

G'd moaning all,

A quickie from me on this surprisingly bright sunny Saturday.

No watching Da Ladies Final for me today - off to Manchester, that strange dark city over the west of England somewhere.

Accompanying daughter Kristy to pick up her hubby Kevin from the airport after he's been working in Belgium. He couldn't get a flight to Newcastle, so Manchester it has to be (Grrrroan!).

I promise to be a perfect ambassador for Geordieland and will be taking free samples of stottie cakes to appease the natives.

HAVE A Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat Weekend you Good Peeps!

Here's hoping I'm back home safely by midnight.

Saturday Sun.

Peeps,,After torrential rain and localised flooding yesterday, (,my local Gordons supplier closed when the beck at the back flooded in!),,Blue skies back this morning.

Hope the traffic in Jarrow has eased George,rumour has it that the half price stottie cake sale coupled with the free pigeon and whippet feed  with every cloth cap purchased at the local Co op was to blame.

I'll be watching the Williams sisters perform this afternoon(I wish)before more manly pursuits as I replace a punctured ball cock(don't ask)in the loft!

Enjoy your Saturday,

Cheers

Hungry monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The barman screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table ... whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out and eats it. Then does the same with some peanuts. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the customer, "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his arse, then pulled it out and ate it ... then he did the same with some peanuts!" says the barman. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"