Manky Monday

Good Morning/Evening Monday Peeps.manky old start to the day here,grey and drizzly..

Gemma our youngest flew off to Vietnam and Cambodia for four weeks today so my suppy of Cuban rum ceases for a while(Life can be so cruel LOL)

Hope thing s finally get resolved, in your favour Elise and the crap finally stops flying at work!!

Happy Monday Folks,

Cheers

My daughter just walked into the living room and said,  "Dad cancel my allowance, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone and jewelry to the charity shop.  Sell my car, take my front door key and throw me out of the house".

 Well she didn't actually put it like that... actually she said... "Dad this is my new boyfriend, Mohammed."

 

Sunday Sunny

Happy Sunday People !!

Hope you all have very few plans today, and spend it chillin' out !

Nothing hectic on here. Sunday Roast, might then be woke up enough to do a bit of light hearted 'Pottering' in the garden......although nothing too hectic ! Can't let himself think that after 6 years here I am suddenly enthused about the Wembley sized garden we have ! No Fear Bollockeers !

If you are ever in The Emerald Isle, this might be a good start to any Sunday ??

Nice day here, so could well end up throwing kids outside and locking myself in the house ! Always the stand by option !

Whatever you are up to, keep it cool and mellow.
Enjoy people
xxxx

PS - Mike, thought you might like to see some snow, just in case !! xx

A blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs.

The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Comes with complete instructions."
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions!" The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Take a shower
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.

4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.


She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise nothing happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.

She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."


So, she calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over."

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says:


"Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

Fishy Saturday?

Good Morning/Evening fellow weekenders,,,

Not a bad start to the day,,no rain, mild and no mention of redocarating(she's having a lie in!) 

Could have been out on the briny right now sea fishing with Steven the SIL but 530am start just didn't appeal to me for some reason?

Lazy day planned but all could change when her Ladyship arises?

Have a chilled day whatever you're up to,

Never sailed on this one??....

 

Cheers

A 10 Year Old's Love Story ...................................

Little Philip and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Philip goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Philip bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Philip, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Philip replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Philip instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed Philip has put so much thought into this. 'Well Philip, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"

Philip just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable!.

 

Ffffriday Ffffine..

Good Morning/Evening Fffffriday Bollockeeers,A Fffffine start to the day here and I almost feel like doing some work in the garden(Almost!!)

Shopping run for me this afta, with Hilary at work giving me Carte Blanche to linger longer in the booze aisles,

Hope you have a likewise "Chilled"Friday and are set for a cracking weekend!

Cheers

A coupla "Quickies"............

Roy Walker  (TV Catchphrase)......

What did Roy Walker say when he was shagging his sister?

 "It's good.......but it's not right"

 

G spot.........

A recent study was carried out into the location of a mans G Spot,

 And proof was found that it is definitely at the back of a woman's throat.

Thumping Thursday

Goooood Mooning Peeps

It's your old friend Thumper here again, I was kidding ya about my nickname being given because of my incredible sexual prowess.

I'll 'fess up and tell you it's because of all the thumping headaches I get!

Is that a duck or a chicken? I haven't had time to put on my specs!

Thursday Thumper!

Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,,,better day weather wise and it seems to have brought out da wabbits!,,,4 of the furballs in my garden  nibbling on my bits of greenery first thing!

Avoided B and Q yesterday but she got me in M and S when she picked up their Spring mag that was detailing "decorating tips for your Spring house makeover!!!"(If they don't get you one way they sure will another!!)

I havn't actually found paintbrushes on my pillow yet but I fear what the next step may be in these mind games! LOL

Have a good un Folks whatever you're up to

Cheers

Builder

 Barry the builder walks up to a girl in a club and say to her " I've got an 11t inch dick and I can shag all night" After a couple of drinks, she takes him home with her.

 The next morning she says to him "You told me that you had an 11 inch dick and that you could shag all night. You've got a five inch dick and you lasted only 3 minutes"!!

 Barry looks up at her and says " I'm a builder love, that was just an estimate!

 

Alex: News

Hi good peeps,

I know we've all been wondering where Alex has got to. It's had us all concerned that there were no posts and no replies to emails.

I was finally able to contact someone who knows Alex and Pat personally, and has visited them. Eventually I had a call from Pat.

Alex had been ill from just before Christmas, and wasn't getting the correct treatment he needed (same old, terrible story!).

Last week he has put in the care of the oncology department (AT LAST!) and was taken into hospital for treatment and observation.

He has improved a lot within a short time and hopes to be home later this week. However, Pat has had to strip out a room at home to make way for a special hospital-type bed,

She's been unable to access the computer, because of all this, and because, like so many of us, only he had the passwords to access our sites.

I won't post anything about this on the PCC until I know the latest from Pat.

BUT...she tells me that Alex is absolutely determined to be with us at Leicester in June, and knowing him as we do...that wouldn't surprise me at all.

They'd already booked a three-night stay!

 

GET BACK IN HERE SOON ALEX!

By the way, I sent them a card on behalf of us all, wishing him a speedy recovery, and telling him he is missed by everyone here.

Hump day pitfalls?

Good Morning/Evening Fellow Humpsters,,,Grey and damp(Morning George)this morning up in our neck of the woods..

Hliary off and wants to go into town for some "Bits and piecs"but asked that pitfall laden question "Do you need anything in B and Q!",,,That place that can make growm men weep FULL of evry shade of paint and every type of brush imaginable,,,,,fearing the worst I said "No"but know she is working on another angle!!(I must be strong!!)LOL

Hope you have a colour chart free day!!

Cheers

For those that missed it first time round.........

NEW CLASSIC CAR

Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.

They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus."

It comes in pink and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.