Good Morning/Evening Fffffriday Pppppeeps,
I should have been joining you so please raise a glass for me and the other Bollockeers who though absent in body will be with you in "Spirit"
Safe Journey all and don't forget yer camera!!!
Have fun!!
Cheers
The nerves are jangling, a bit like Phil's 'bling' (did I ever tell you about his gold chains and medallions?
Last day at home for me for a while, and I think I'll need a holiday after the holiday.
Ill bring a videocam to the'do', catch you all at your worst...and then send a DVD of the shenanigans to Phil. Grrrreat idea, or what?? LOL
Taking an old lady for a hospital appointment now (NO..NOT LYNN!) but back later.
BE GOOD!
Stoppy in hanging round day for me waiting for blood results to find out why I've had such a crap few weeks and hopefully get something done.
Hope you're Hump day goes with a swing(morning George)
Morning John.
Cheers
The value of a Catholic education and a sharp 2B pencil................
Little Susie was not the best student in St. Mike's Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'
When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear-end.
'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie..
And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time , I'll break it in half!'
The nun fainted.
Longest day of the year today,,nights start drawing in tomorrow!!
Spot of Ladies tennis at Wimbledon today?(Morning John)
Enjoy your day Folks,
Cheers
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin and I’m driving a fu**ing gritter!"
The Capn has gone to the doc's this morning, to ask for a little prick.
I didn't realise there was a penis reduction centre on Teesside.
I think he's pulling my leg - or pulling a nurse!
Good Morning Chaps and Chapesses,
to all us Dad's,,,does that mean we can do what we like today????
Hilary still duvet hugging so this Dad is off to do brekky,leaving plenty of cope for my Fathers day to improve!..
Hope we all get spoilt rotten for the tremendous job we all do without complaint,moans or thanks(I can hear our ladies muttering as I write!)
Okay time to exit while I still can,,have a cracking day ALL!!
Morning John :).................................
Cheers
Phil's pet store........................
A blonde goes to her local Phil's pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of live frogs.
The sign says:
'SEX FROGS' Only £20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the owner Phil behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'
As he packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!
The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions an d reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions . please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store. The owner Phil says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes,he man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
Phil, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:
'LISTEN TO ME!! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE ... MORE ... TIME!!!'
