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Good Morning/Evening Saturday Peeps,
....foggy start to the day here just to the add to the snow and icy fun!
Our awaited Supermarket supplies never appaeared yesterday after we got a phone call apologising an hour before due to say it was too dangerous on the roads for their driveres,,,now rescheduled for Tuesday!
Me and her Ladyship are gonna try and traverse the snow and ice fields into Great Ayton for esssential supplies(Tonics and Ginger ale!)
Stay warm,
Cheers
Some politically incorrect observations.................
One of the questions in a Biology exam was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer.
I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend ! -- (hee hee)
The red cross have just knocked at our door and ask if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our hose pipe only reaches the bottom of the garden.
Good Morning/Evening Chillblains
,,no snow overnight for a change but Fffffflippin Ffffreeeezing!!
Day six of being incarcerated dans "Thommo Mansions"with her Ladyship,,,but my desperate pleas to her bosses for a helicpoter to get her to work have so far fallen on deaf ears!
Hey Ho,,due a supply delivery from a supermarket this afta if the huskies can get through!!
Even the snowmen have had enough!!!............................
Happy Ffffriday,
Cheers
Sex....
The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have Sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ... 'F**k You.'
The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And . Last ... But not least ...
The 7th kind of sex is called ... Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self.
Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,,,,waiting to see if all the troops got there and back safely to da "Smoke"yesterday??
Guess we'll have to wait till George's triple Horlicks last night wears off and he arises,,
No let up here with more snow overnight, looks like being a long job to get this lot shifted.
Stay warm
Cheers
The Hotel Bill
An elderly lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant birthday by staying overnight in one of London 's most expensive hotels.
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00.
She explode and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth £250.00 for just an overnight stop without even breakfast."
The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate' so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and forewarned by the desk clerk announced: "the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."
'But I didn't use them," she said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from Edinburgh, Glasgow , and Aberdeen performing here," the Manager said.
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!"
The Manager was unmoved, so she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this cheque is only made out for £50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Good Morning./Evening Hump day Peeps,
...Bollockeers converging on da Smoke as we speak despite the atrocious weather....
Good luck to all travelling and looking forward to hearing the latest goss and a few piccies would be nice!
No buses running here again and our road is well snowed in so Hilary having another no work day!
Happy Hump day!
Cheers
Pussy willow
There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.
'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that wire?'
'Well......' the kid drawls, 'this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm a-fixin' to catch me some chickens!'
'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire son!'
'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.
Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.
'Hey kid!' the farmer yells. 'Where ya goin' with that tape?'
'Well........ this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm a-fixin' to catch me some ducks!'
'You can't catch ducks with duck tape son!' the farmer yells back.
'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.
The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick.
'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that stick?'
'Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's pussy willow.'
'Hang on,' the farmer says, 'I'll get my hat!