Good Morning Bollockeers ! Happy Friday !
Well, I don't know how it happened, but we are now just a week away from
the Leicester get together 2012.
It will be a sad/happy time for us, as there will be a lot of faces missing this year. Plenty of toasts to our fallen comrades I think guys xx
So - what you all up to today then ?
I am working all weekend, so no fun for me :-(
George has just informed me that the MOS has refurbished their Gents toilets, in preparation for our function ...... !
On the other hand [PMSL] I will be hoping the Whisky supplies are as abundant as the 'Jack' !!
George has a lecture and practical ready for those of you who have not yet had your DRE
ROFLMAO !!!!!
And Lil' Duck will be slipping into something comfortable for the weekend !
Have a great one people, and remember ...
... Shit happens !Quack !A Dead Duck [ thanks Sue xx ]
Your Duck is Dead--
A mad Geordie brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As he laid his pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your Lil' Duck, has passed away."
The distressed mad Geordie wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" he protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on her or anything. She might just be in a Whisky coma or something."
The vet turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement,
the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the duck from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the mad Geordie and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead Lil' Duck, she is no more, has ceased to be, expired, kicked the bucket"
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the mad Geordie..
Lil' Duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£100!" he cried madly, "£100 just to tell me my duck is dead! Howay Man !"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £100."
Here's a good one to screw with your head !
Are the balls moving or not ??
LMAO......WELL DONE LIL' DUCK (you should be!!) lol
ReplyDeleteThank you for such a great opening post this morning. Love the Geordie joke too, ROFLMBO
You've done me a great big favour, because today I am snowed under, dealing with last minute glitches regarding Leicester.
You're a real STAR! xxxx
Last minute glitches regarding Leicester ? Do tell ! Thought you might like my adaptation of an old joke :-) I personally thought the 'Whisky Coma' was inspired ! LMAO !
ReplyDeleteI now have me and Mom booked in for 28/29 June 2013 - Blimey, you do keep a duck busy George !!! Don't worry about the photo downloads next weekend. I will make certain I keep copies of everything so that you can't destroy incriminating evidence :-) ROFLMAO !!!!
Love Ya ! xx
Do you think he is trying to cook something up ?
ReplyDeleteOrganising free booze ?
Or making sure they have extractor fans for all the hot-air ?
Hello again folks....Yes, Elise and Chris.....I was facing a bloody headache regarding the buffets for next week.
ReplyDeleteThe chef (Matt), who'd been there since our first 'do,' had left in April for a new job with the same brewery chain.
He said we'd be in very good hands with his under-chef Steve.
In May, I had this Steve on the phone, saying how excited he was to have a challenging dairy-free menu to prepare.
He sounded so keen and had some excellent ideas to vary our buffets,.
I then sent him (by recorded delivery) all the info he could possibly need about our requirements, special soya milks,custard &cream, and good bread etc, PLUS the printed menus from all our previous functions.
By May 15th he said he had it all 'boxed off' and we could relax.
He then took his summer holiday, and at the end of the 2 weeks, rang The Mill to say he wasn't coming back!
The function manager rang me last week to say this Steve bloke had also buggered off with all the info I had sent him, and now the head chef didn't have a clue what our buffets should be. FFS! I was going up the wall!!!!
Never mind, thank heavens I had copies stored on my 'puter'.......VERY hard to find........ but stored all the same, lol.
Early this week I posted them off to the head guy.
End result? He has no phoned me and given me a complete rundown on his buffet menus and it looks like he's made a good job of it too.
Thank 'fcuk' for that!!
Now let's see if I can find something as funny as Elise's stuff to post here today, lol.
Terry sent me some fascinating info about MRI scans in Australia.
ReplyDeleteBut I had to say something about a very misleading picture on page 6 of the booklet:
Look at this!
Here's a true story about goings on in Ireland recently :
ReplyDeleteHas this happened in County Cork too?....and did you fall for it, Elise? LMAO
George !! I am shocked at your insinuations !!! Don't you know I thought it all up ! ROFLMAO ! xx
ReplyDeleteOh, and just for laughs, can any of you Rocket Scientists out there convert a WWW address to a HTTML hyperlink code at all ? Hmmm ? Any takers ? Any one ? It really would make life a heck of a lot easier ! xx
ReplyDelete