Tuesday sun??

Good Morning/Evening Tuesday Peeps,,,Coo.. blue sky and sunshine ere'for a change....

Nice to see Colleen in the US and Janet in Oz are still keeping tabs on what we're up to in here. xx.. Colleen has just moved into her new house that she's had built,,so Happy New house to her,

Enjoyed our Italian meal last night complete with the cheesy Italian waiter,with his huge pepper grinder!LOL

Have a cracking day Folks,

Cheers

Jones the Bridge Builder........

A young man moves to a village in Wales and gets talking to an old man from the village. He asks the old man what his name is; the old man gets very irate at this point and says: "See that row of houses over there? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the House Builder? Do they hell!"

"See those power lines over there? I ran them all in and built the pylons, but do they call me Jones the Lineman? Do they hell!"

"See those bridges over that river? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the Bridge Builder? Do they hell!"

"See the straight and robust road that leads to and from the village? I built that but do they call me Jones the Civil Engineer? Do they Hell"

But, I shag one sheep..."(Apologies to George)

 

Monday Marital duties :)

Good Morning/Evening Monday Peeps,,,grey start to the day here after a nice day yesterday..

Marital duties loom large today(Shaddup George)as we celebrate our 35th Wedding Anniversary,,heading out over the moors to a favourite watering hole for lunch,,then out tonite to an Italian noshery for some spaghetti hoops!

Apparently it is a Coral Anniversary so I have bought Hilary a small atoll in the South Pacific,,unfortunately it is next door to a US nuclear testing site, but I have included a radiation suit in her travel bags...

Happy Monday Folks have a good un'

Cheers

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said: 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to Heaven?'

Grandma replied: 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.  'The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma went over and turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back- side of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said: 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?' The little boy replied: 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.' The minister fainted.

 

Quiet Sunday ?

Good Morning/Evening Sunday Bollockeers,,,blue skies and VERY bright and sunny here(could do with a dimmer switch after a late night "Entertaining")

Plan to nobble the bore last night worked a treat and he fell asleep after 1 hour and 40 minutes and 5 of my "Rusty nails"(Whisky,Drambuie and ice).....I then had a very pleasant evening in the company of two bubbly blondes,....we woke him at 130 am when their taxi came,,,RESULT!!

Looks like being a quiet day here,our big boy LCD TV died yesterday afternoon,only 9 months old,,,after the usually fuse checks and a chat to a "Techy support"guy we have to wait till Wednesday before he comes out.................wheeled in the "Little un"from the kitchen so at least we have some background noise! LOL

Hope you all have a relaxing Sunday,

Cheers

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other.

At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"

Bill woke up and asked, "What's going on?"

Bob said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife."

"How come?"

"To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!"

After a pause, Bill said, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Hell, no. Why would I want you to do that?"

"Because that's my dick you're holding."

Sarurday lurgy?

Good Morning/Evening Saturday Chums and Chumettes,the torrential downpours we had up ere yesterday(that caught me twice)seem to have passed,,,,,,,,poor George hasn't been the same since his own soaking in Hartlepool and now has come down with the dreaded lurgy,,

Hope it's just a 48 hour bug Matey and you're back on form asap

Chief cook duties for me today as one of Hilary's friends(who is a vivacious blonde)and her absolute BORE of a husband are coming for dinner,,all he talks about his ruddy golf!!,,my ploy last time to get him blitzed with my "Thommo specials"worked a treat  as he fell asleep after an hour and had to be woken up when their taxi came.More of the same tonite I think!

Whatever you're up to today have fun,(best you can GeorgeLOL)

Cheers

Gynaecologist's Assistant

A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Chelsea and sees a card
advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.


Interested he goes to learn more "Can you give me some more
details about this?" he asks the guy behind the desk

The Job Centre oppo sorts through his files & replies - " Oh yes here it is.

OK the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and
wash their nether regions.

Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair then rub
in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination.

There's an annual salary of £45,000 but you're going to have to go to Oxford."

"Oh why, is that where the job's at?"

"No - that's the end of the queue"

 

 

Friday at sparra fart!!!

Good Morning/Evening Fraidaaaaaaaay Peeps,Up at sparra fart to chaffeur her Ladyship to work this morning,,could have done without the early start after ship visiting yesterday!

R and R day planned with a supply run for coming festivities?

Have a great Friday and a cracking weekend!

Cheers

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."

 

Back to the docks! :)

Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,,,better morning here with some blue sky and sunshine...

Down the docks for me today as one of my Mates who is Captain on a VLCC docked in Teesport last night,,,so it's a taxi job to go for a catch up on board over a few medicinal tinctures.

If you don't hear from me for 5 months I've signed on and headed East!(No not Whitby George!)

Hope you have an equally "Relaxed"day..

Cheers

Old pussy..............

One day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet..

We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.' The Vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the Vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and the Vet don't see eye to eye. The Vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the Vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly snipe at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The Doctor's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the Vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said,

'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant.

God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

 

Brighter Hump day

Good Morning/Evening fellow humpsters,,,brighter start to the day here in Captain Cook country.

Mop crop time again for me as I don my flak jacket and brave the streets of Middlesbrough!,,not as bad as it used to be since the razor wire and police barricades were taken down!

Hope you all enjoy a Happy Hump day!

Cheers