Friday Blow...

Good Morning/Evening Friday Peeps,,,Blowing a gale here (Morning George),,giving my fencing a good rattle!

Lot of cafuffle at 7am when our speedy bin men backed their wagon into a neighbours car,,nice big crunch AND it's the pompous prat down the road!!(RESULT!! LMAO!).......May give them a Christmas bonus this year!LOL

Have a great Friday and a cracking weekend!!!(Havn't recieved my invite yet to the jelly and ice cream party tomorrow??

Cheers

An oldie but goodie.....

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time  I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!

 

 

 

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Thursday Grey

Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,Grey old start to the day here after bucketfuls of wet stuff overnight..

Permission granted for my extension,after my wining and dining seemed to easy the planning wheels of the Chied Exec!

Off to buy some timber and play with my tools in the garden

Have a great day,

Cheers

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table. Jack asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mum dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I’m married!".

 

For all you milk lovers

The only cow in a small town in Australia stopped giving milk.

The townsfolk found they could buy a cow in India quite cheaply.  They brought the cow from India and it was wonderful, she produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They then bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.  They put the bull in the pasture with the cow.  But whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.  No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go the Vet, who was very wise, telling him what was happening and to ask his advice.

"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward" they said.  "When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.  If he attempts from the one side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in India?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had bought the cow over from India.

"You are truly a wise Vet," they said.  "How did you know we got the cow in India?

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from India"

(Apologies for small text.  Multiply wouldn't let me change the font or size...)

24th March: FIve Years On

Well, my good friends,
Today marks 5 years since that first PSA test came back at 182...and the rest, as they say, is history.
I never thought I'd be here today typing this announcement.

Getting to know so many of you all online and in person over those five years was a real bonus.
Every cloud has a silver lining.

But, the battle goes on, day by day, and we must be forever vigilant,  never forgetting those friends who are sadly no longer with us.

Thank you all,

BE WELL!

George

Hump day Hiya,

Good Morning/Evening fellow Humpsters,,,Midweek dullness round this neck of the woods but it ain't cold..

Seeking planning permission today for an extension to my shed as my gargle juice making equipment threatens to outgrow my erection!

Hilary is chieff planning Officer so I need to oil the wheels,,(I'll be cooking tonight ! LOL)

Hope you're set for a wild Hump day,(Pics please)

Cheers

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr.. Smith about enlarging her breasts. Dr Smith advised her 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'

She did this faithfully for several months!

To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!

 

 One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.   Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'

A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked  'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'

'Yes I am.. How did you know?'

 

He winked and replied, "Hickory dickory dock...."

 

 

 

Tuesday Mornin'

Mornin'/Evenin' all,,,Grey and mild start to the day here,..

Got a letter from PC Plod yesterday offering me the option of a "Speed awareness course" as opposed to three points and a fine,,Cost £75 but I've opted for it to keep my licence clean,,(Probably be me and a loada boy racers!!!LOL

Whatever you're up to take it SLOW!(Yeah right!)

Cheers

A farmer stopped by the local  mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They  couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he  didn't live far and would just walk home,,

On the way home he stopped at the  hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon  of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and  picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.  However, struggling outside the store he now had  a problem - how to carry his entire purchases  home.

While he was scratching his head he  was approached by a little old lady who told him  she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to  get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

The  farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm  is very close to that house I would walk you  there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't  you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry  the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each  arm and carry the goose in your other  hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said  and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my  short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there  in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over  cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow  without a husband to defend me.. How do I know  that when we get in the alley you won't hold me  up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have  your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady!  I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two  chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I  possibly hold you up against the wall and do  that?'
The old lady replied, ; ....

'Set the goose  down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint  on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the  chickens!

 

 

Wives from up 'tut North'

 

Just read this in a very influential magazine.

Marrying a woman from up 'tut North'. 

The first man married a woman from Essex. Told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from the West Midlands. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from up 'tut North'. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

Is this true???