Saturday Sun :))

Good Morning/Evening Saturday Peeps,not a cloud in the sky here,but drizzly last night at the Bonfire Bash!,,Did the required Ooohs and Ahhhs at the fireworks,,bagged a burger and coupla bangers then retreated home to de ice with a couple of firewaters

Grand Prix season coming to an end(Morning George) but still a couple to go and Brazil today and tomorrow,,

Enjoy your Saturday and have a great weekend!

Cheers

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?' She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. 'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man. 'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.

'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.

'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'

'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'

 

 

Ffffffffriday fine...

Good Morning/Evening Fffffriday Peeps,rain finally stopped and we awoke to find three ducks in the garden (morning Elise)taking refuge from the swollen river,,,,

No plans for Peking duck tonite so they are free to leave after some teasing from my pussy,,,,gotta quack on with the "Shopping list"Hilary left for essential supplies,,,in Capital letters she has written"Litre Baileys half price at Morrisons!",,,subtle or what! LOL

Have a Fffffab Frrrriday,and Happy Firework night,,,

Cheers

A cute one!!!

HELGA'S DIARY ON CRUISE

SHIP...

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
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DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

Won $800 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship..I was shocked!
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DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

Today I saved 1,600 lives.

Twice..

 

 

Post Victory Smile

Allister as honorary over 35s captain on account of being THE OLDEST PERSON ON THE TEAM :-)

Soggy Thursday..

Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,been lashing down with rain here all night and still going,,at least my "fairy ring"at the bottom of the garden seems to have disappeared after applying "Anti ring fungus!"(Morning George)

Successful "Crab mission"in Redcar yesterday,I was surprised just how easy it was to pick them up there!,,,,,,,,,,

Hope your day isn't too damp ,,and you have a Good un'!

Cheers

Taxi Fare

One rainy spring night in Belfast, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

'Where to?' he stammered.

'Falls Road,' answered the woman.

'OK,' he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, 'Just what the feck are you looking at?'

'Well lady ', replied the driver, 'I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare.'

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver, pointed to her womanhood and said, 'Does THIS answer your question?'

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, 'Have you not got anything smaller?

 

Morning Humpsters..

Good Morning/Evening fellow Humpsters,on a very mild and breezy morning.

Orders to bag a coupla crabs today so I',m heading down to Redcar instead of Whitby for a change to see what I can attract!,,maybe  grab a "Lemon top" while I'm there,

Enjopy your Hump day,

Cheers

Lovejuice

A 12 year boy says to his dad, Dad can I get a plasma screen with Sky telly in my bedroom for my birthday. The dad says it's very expensive, but he'll see. On his birthday the wee boy runs home from school and up to his room, and there on the wall is the big plasma screen with Sky plumbed in, so he settles down to watch his new telly. Later on he comes down to the living room, where his mum and dad are sitting, and he asks his dad, Dad what's lovejuice? well his mum has a hairy fit, bursts into tears and runs into the kitchen. His dad keeps his cool and says, sit down son, I better explain about the facts of life. So he explains about sex, females bodies, masturbation, and all sorts of sexual information. Listening to all this sexual stuff the wee boys jaw just about hits the deck, the dad seeing this then says, son just what programme were you watching up in your room, and the wee boy says WIMBLEDON!

Tuesday breeze.

Good Morning/Evening Tuesday Peeps,,,breezy and mild up ere to to start the day..oh and here comes the rain

Hope the weather picks up for firework night we're off to a party where no doubt we will stand around with frozen lugs,admirning the bonfire and uttering the usual Ooohs and Ahs(Shaddup George) for the fireworks whilst noshing on a baked spud and a banger or three(Can't wait! LOL)

Happy Tuesday all,

Cheers

Guess I am leaving myself wiiiide open with this one!LOL......................

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.  He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing??

' The prostitute replies, 'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots  ' 'Three knots?' he asks. 'What's that supposed to mean??' She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back

 

Happy November! :)

Good Morning/Evening Monday Peepsand on a very bright and sunny morning a Very Happy November 1st also,

I trust you had a good Halloween last night,there were a few spirits flying around here in the keeping of the traditionbut Ghoulies tucked away now till next year!

Enjoy your Monday whatever you're up to and have a great November!

Cheers

Politically incorrect?? (Surely not on Bollocks!!) LOL.......

A teacher goes round her class asking each of the kids what they need at home.

1st kid: A computer.

Teacher replies "That'd be very useful".

2nd child says a car & gets a  similar answer.

Finally she asks Billy who answers "At my house we don't need anything."

The teacher asks him to think carefully as everyone  needs something.

Billy replies "No I'm sure. When my sister started going out with a Blackfella I

remember my dad sayin "Well that’s all we fu**ing need!"