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Saturday Balls

Good Morning/Evening Saturday Bollockeers,,,Coo more sunshine and on a weekend too!

The girls are off "Shopping"this afta so I'm taking "The boyfriend"for a game or three of pool and a jar or three of local hooch,,I will of course be priming him with the strongest ale on tap and see how he fares after only being used to the Southerm dishwatter they call beer,

Enjoy the sunshine and have a cracking weekend!

Cheers

The value of a Catholic education and a sharp 2B pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in St. Mike's Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear-end.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie..

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time , I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted

 

Fridaaaaaaaay Sunnnnnnny :)

Good Morning/Evening Fridaaaaaaaay Peeps,Cracking start to the day here,cloudless blue sky and warm sunshine

Mick and Mav I'm sure are thundering Northwards as we speak and judging by the weather are at least assured of a "Warm"reception.

Peaceful day in store "Pour Moi",as Gemma,Sam(the boyfriend),Hilary and Sherri are taking off down the coast for a tour around leaving me to forage for supplies(Sainsbury's)  and enjoy my own company! (Bliss)

Enjoy a sun filled Friday and I hope you are all set fair for a "Cracking"weekend!

Cheers

Why females should  avoid a girls night out after they are married......

The other  night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my  husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I  promise!' Well, the hours  passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3  a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the  door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3  times.

Quickly,  realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9  times.

I was really  proud of myself for coming up with such a  quick-witted solution, in order  to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when  totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12  cuckoos MIDNIGHT!) The next morning  my husband asked me what time I got in, I told  him 'MIDNIGHT'... he  didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got  away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new  cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last  night our clock cuckooed three times, then  said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared  its throat, cuckooed  another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and  then tripped over the coffee table and  farted.

 

 

 

 

HOTMAIL DOWN

Hi Folks,

I'm sorry if anyone is  awaiting a reply to an email sent to me.
I have been unable to access my mail at all today.
MSN are supposedly improving the service, hence the down time.
WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS!

Grrrrrrr

After the sun...

Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,after the sun we're back to grey up ere'

Had a good night "pressure testing"Gemma's boyfriend Sam,,and for a Southerner he didn't do too bad,,he fell at the last hurdle however when he retired to the bathroom  after several rusty nails and lotsa wine,,,Gemma went to see where he was after 25 minutes and found him asleep on the toilet,Ahhhh bless! LOL

More fun to follow before they head back to Brighton on Sunday I'm sure

Enjoy your Thursday Folks whatever you're up to

Cheers

Hmmm.........
-------------------------

A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night.
Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch
and into the bushes.

He crawls back up and asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "For having a little pecker."

He sits there quietly a moment, then smacks her, sending her off the other side of the porch and
into the bushes. She crawls back and asks, "What was that for?"

He replies, "For knowing there was more than one size."

 

Business Trip

Off to a hand tool trade show in Cologne, Germany on Friday.

This is my annual visit.

3~days of German Beer, Bratwurst and Oompah Bands!!

At the show will be models handling our tools and constant chat about Shovels.

Life gets no better than this!

 

 

Sunny Hump..

Good Morning/Evening "Mid week Peeps"another sunny day here to start the Wednesday.

 

Gemma our youngest arriving from Brighton later today with her "Boyfriend" to stay for a few days so Hilary is rushing round like a blue ar**d fly and I'm getting towed along in her wake!

 

It's his first time "Up North"and Gemma wants us to show him around,(I already have my itenerary of North Yorks country pubs planned and a sunset view of the Teesside steel foundry!,,,,,Maybe a trip to "Jarrow sur Mur"to cap this cultural tour.

 

Looks like being a busy few days so if I'm MIA you know why,,hopefully peace will return on Sunday when they head back "Darn Sarf"

 

Happy Hump Day!

 

Cheers

 

Adam and Eve.......................

 

God said, 'Adam, I want you to do something for me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a valley?'

God explained it to him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.'

Adam said, 'What's a river?'

God explained that to him and then said, 'Go over to the hill...'

Adam said, 'What is a hill?'

So God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, 'On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

After God explained, He said, 'In the cave, you will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do I do that?'

God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....' And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river and over the hill into the cave and finds the woman.

Then, in about 5 minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, 'What is it now?'

And Adam said...

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(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!)

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'What's a headache?'