Sunny Hump day :)

Good Morning/Evening fellow Humpsters,and a bright sunny start it is here too  after a few grey days.

Poker night tonight after  one of Phil's Bumburner curries,,might as well give Hilary my shirt now,I don't think she's lost yet since we started!,Other players now bring their own decks! LOL

Have a good un' Folks,

Cheers

A PLANE ANSWER.......................................

 

A mother and her young son were flying Ryanair from Dublin to Malaga .

The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,

why don't big planes have baby planes?"

 

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the

flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight

attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

 

The busy flight attendant smiled and said, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes, she did."

 

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes

because Ryanair always pulls out on time.

Have your mother explain that to you."

 

 

Mist again!

Good Morning/Evening Tuesday Bollockeers,,,Couldn't see the garden first thing due to thick mist,,,lifted now unfortunately showing what work still needs to be done.

I understand George is heading down to Hartlepool today to watch the Tall ship racers depart,,(He better watch out as the Hartlepudlians are known as "Monkey hangers!"after lynching one as a spy during the Napoleanic wars,,,,and they ain't changed much since then!!,)

Happy Tuesday Folks  

Cheers

Actual World war II recruitment poster....

Three little ducks go into a Bar......


'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck.

'Huey,' was the reply.

'How's your day been, Huey?'

'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What
else could a duck want?' said Huey.

'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, 'Hi,
and what's your name?'

'Dewey,' came the answer from duck number two.

'So how's your day been, Dewey! ?' he asked.

'Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all
day myself. What else could a duck want?'

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, 'So, you must be Louie?'

>

>

>

>




'No,' she said, batting her eyelashes.

'My name is Puddles.'

 

Happy Monday's..

Good Morning/Evening Monday Peeps,,,hope you had a cracking weekend,

Sun shining,Hilary safely at work,pussy stuffed and sleepingand I just found out I won a tenner on the lottery(Guess it can only go downhill from here! LOL)

Enjoy your Monday and have a great week,

Cheers

A clean one to start the week!

IN THE WAITING ROOM

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"

The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

 

 

Sunday Mass !

Good Morning/Evening Sunday Bollockeers,,,not a bad start to the day weather wise,but when I got up and peered out back I spied a HUGE Mass of dog poop,,,slap in th middle of the lawn!, the beast that left me the donation must have been the size of a ruddy donkey!.................The Prat down the road(Bonfire man) has a Great Dane and it has been known to go walkabout!),,I may bag it up and give it back!

Tootling to the coast for a pub lunch at the "Ship Inn"where I can get broody watching the ships swinging at anchor waiting to enter the river Tees.

Have a relaxing poop free day(maybe not!LOL)

Cheers

Circumcised ...................

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy....

 The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out..... 

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said,  'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.

 

Saturday Sunny....ish!

Good Morning/Evening Saturday Chums and Chumettes,,patchy blue sky and sun trying to get out ere.

Off for my ritual humiliation at snooker with my SIL Steven(I don't seem to have the ball control I used to have!LOL) and a coupla jars of local brew.

Have a Good un'Folks whatever you're up to!

Cheers

JUST A CRUEL TWIST OF FATE

One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion. "I've got some good news and some bad news." God said.

Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, "Please give me the good news first."

Smiling, God explained, "I've created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."

Friday: A great guffaw to start your day

Good Morning All

Forgive the shaky typing..I'm in shock.
I just KNEW my 'pot' was expanding but couldn't figure out why.

Yesterday I found out the reason...Oldest of the grandkids is going to be a daddy next spring.

YOU REALISE WHAT THIS WILL MAKE ME?

Geeeeeez, soon after my 60th birthday I will be a Great-grandad!!

Of course, Lynn will never look old enough to be even a granny (so she says)

And now I'll go back to bed and do a 'Rip Van Winkle'
(maybe it's all a bad dream)

Fffffriday Ffffffolks......

Good Morning/Evening Fffriday Fffolks,,seems to have been a long time coming but the weekend is beckoning.

A Blank canvas at the moment with  no Grand Prix for three weeks!(Shaddup George)and uncertain weather prospects...I may take some Grand Prix highlight DVDs over to George's and really tip him over the edge! LMAO

Hilary has bravely left me a supermarket shopping list again,as I normally come back with twice as much stuff suitable only for an alcoholic,partygoing carnivore!(Sounds about right!)

Enjoy your Friday and have a cracking weekend!

Cheers

TRADITIONAL OR CONTEMPORARY?

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.

"Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor.

"Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."