sportsdrink.wmv

Monday Sun

Good Morning/Evening Monday Peeps,,,a lovely sunny start to the week here and I reckon almost time for George to ditch his thermals,

Hilary back to work leaving me to my own devices..,persevered with the Aussie rum last night,and spotted a skull and crossbones on the bottom of the bottle,,thought it was a pirate reference but on closer inspection saw that is means a corrosive substance!!LOL

Enjoy your Monday if you can and have a great week

Cheers

Chicken Farmer .........

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! "

"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

 

Sunday sun...

Good Morning/Evening Sunday Peeps,and a cracking start to the day weather wise it is too,,

Tried some of the Aussie rum last night that Steven brought me back from his "Walkabout"over there and I am only now getting some sensation back in my tongue!,,It does say on the bottle avoid naked flame,,,but I couldn't find the bit where it says "Not for human consumption!"(I will persevere and torture myself again tonight!)

I am taking my numb tongue to the local hostelry to try and coax some feeling back in with a jar or two of Theakstons "Old Peculiar"(Morning George!!)

Enjoy the sunshine and have a relaxing Sunday,

Cheers

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

 

Saturday Pussy Cat

Heyyyyyyy Folks


A SUNNY Saturday here, and a photo of our old but still working 'toilet cleanser' as so vividly described by Mike recently.

Coo Friday already

Good Morning Ffffriday  Peeps,,,lovely sunny start to the day here and mild too,,,

Thanks for the toilet cleaning tip Mike,I see a wet pussy here in the very near future!!LOL

Quiet night in store tonight  as I'm up at sparra fart in the morning to go pick up Steven from Newky airport after his Oz trip...

Enjoy your Friday and have a great weekend!

Cheers,

One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander. During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp. The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while explained to him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman there so they have the camel. The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it. After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said, "So is that how the other men do it?" One of the men responded, "No we usually just use the camel to ride into town."

 

Useful Advice

 I saw this useful advice and thought I would pass it on:-

Instructions for cleaning a toilet:  

1.  Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of  pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2.  Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.  

3.  In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet  and close both lids.

You  may need to stand on the lid.  

4.  The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.  Never mind the noises that come from the toilet,  the cat is actually enjoying this.

5.  Flush the toilet three or four times.This provides  a "power-wash" and  rinse".  

6.  Have someone open the front door of your home. Be  sure that there are no people between the bathroom  and the front door.

7. Stand behind the  toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.   

8.  The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak  through the bathroom, and run outside where he  will dry himself off.  

9.  Both the toilet bowl and the cat will be sparkling  clean.

 

Thursday quickie :))

Good Morning/Evening Thursday Peeps,lovely bright sunny morning here and we're having a tootle over to Studley Royal between Ripon and Harrogate for a nosey round,

Scooting off first for my ritual 4 weekly PSA before seeing Head Onco next Tuesday.

Enjoy the sunshine!,

Cheers

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom

using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicorette patch on it. He looks at the other priest and says, 'I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not  your penis.' The other one replies, 'It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day.'