Bleary eyed Hump day...

Good Morning/Evening fellow Humpsters,my ead urts this morning after being forced to drink copious amounts of alcohol last night,,,,(Well it would have been rude to have said no!LOL)

More sedate pursuits today with a trip to the pics to see a 3D epic,that is on Hilarys "To do list!"

Whatever you're up to enjoy it! 

Cheers

 

Why I fired my Secretary. Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.' I thought.... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! ' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me..' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !' We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?' I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?' She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment; it's just around the corner.' After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ‘Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there.... On the couch... Naked.

TUESDAY BIRTHDAY GIRL

To The Super Woman who Mastered the Mutinous Mariner

Have a Grrrrrrrrrrrreat Day!!

Happy Mondays

Good Morning/Evening Monday Peeps,,hope your Easter beano is going well,

Grey and dizzly here so no garden duties,,I'm not even asking if the shops are open!!,,Off to have nosh at Sherri's, keep her company as Steven is still in Oz till next Saturday.

Whatever you're up to have a GREAT Easter Monday ,

Cheers

Can't post any pics or funnies at the mo,,don't know if it's multiply or me?

Easter Sunday

Good Morning/Evening Easter Sunday Peeps,not a  bad sorta day for those brave enough to venture out on the roads,,,I'm staying put and of course taking in the Malaysian Grand Prix recorded earlier(Sorry George),

No chocky eggs for me but there is a bottle of JD with my name on it that will be taking their placeLOL

A very Happy Easter to you and yours,

Hmmm wonder if George is having lamb today?

Cheers

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin, "It's been a long time now. I really need to have sex."

Odin stood and pondered for a while, before replying, "Go to Earth, O Thor, and find thyself what they call a 'lady of joy' and treat her to your manly pleasures."

And this Thor did. The next day, he came back up to see Odin, and told him of the previous night's events. "My friend," he said, grinning from ear to ear, "It was wonderful. We had passionate sex 37 times.."

"37 times!" exclaimed Odin. "That poor woman! Mere mortals cannot endure such treatment. You must go and apologize this instant!"

So Thor went back down to earth and found the aforementioned prostitute, saying. "I'm sorry about last night, but you see, I'm Thor..."

"You're Thor?" shouted the girl. "You're Thor? What about me? I'm tho thor I can't thpeak and can hardly pith!"

 

 

Saturday drizzle

Good Morning/Evening Saturday Peeps,grey drizzly start to the day here,,but I am sure George won't mind as we have the Malaysian Grand Prox today and tomorrow!)

Avoided most of the caravaners going to Scarborough yesterday by tootling over the moors instead of the coast raod,,but copped a scooter rally on the way back with around 200 Vespas and Lambrettas out for a spin.(I'm sure I saw Grant in the pack with his parka on?)

Whatever you're up to today enjoy yourself(they can't arrest you for it LOL)!

Cheers

Lion Tamer

A Lion tamer is struggling to get the audience to appreciate his skills. He gets the largest lion to get up on a stool. He then forces the lions jaws open with his bare hands and sticks his head in the lions mouth. After a minute he withdraws his head and the lion roars.

 The audience still looks unimpressed. He then in desperation forces the lions mouth open again and slaps his penis in the lions open mouth. He then forces the lions jaws shut. He then produces a baseball bat and smacks the lion hard on the top of its head. He then forces the lions mouth open and withdraws his undamaged penis. Turning to the audience he calls out. "Is there anyone in this audience would like to try that?"

 A camp voice from the audience replied. "Yes, but promise not to hit me so hard on the head with the baseball bat."

 

 

Good Morning

Good Morning/Evening Good Friday Peeps,,,Chilly and bright here as the Easter weekend kicks off,

Banks closed, no post but the shops are STILL open AND Hilary is off!(bad combination)

Off for a run down the coast to Scarborough to bag a coupla big crabs(Shaddup George!)for dinner tonight,and no doubt admire the back of LOTS of caravans as they head out on their Easter pilgrimage to the seaside!)

Have a Great Friday and a cracking(no pun intended)Easter,

Cheers

A silly one for ya!!.............

 THE  LONE RANGER

 

 

 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their Tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look Towards sky, what you see? '

'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

 

 

'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'

 

'You dumber than buffalo s**t.

It means someone stole the tent.'

 

 

Thursday: What's up doc?

Goooood Moaning Folks,

A sunny day in the north east, but COLD... and another day here for me with yet another hospital appointment....Argggghhhhh!

It's right what they say...once you start visiting hospitals you never stop.