Birthday down under!

Good Morning Bollockeeers,and a very special Good Evening Down under to Janet and Derek,,,,,

WISHING A VERY ........

DEREK!

Hope you are having a wonderful day!!!

Cheers

Phil and Hilary,

 

Sunny Hump.

Good Morning /Evening Peeps,on this sunny Hump day morning,,

Curry night round again here so watch out for a break in this glorious weather!LOL as it's been pointed out whenever I create a "Bumburner"the weather take a turn for the worse!!

Enjoy your Hump day whatever you're up to!

Cheers,

Okay so this one is kinda cute!!!!LOL............................

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE. THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES." "I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT. "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."

THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.

HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.

THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER B EGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER

UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.

"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.

"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?

"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT," WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT," SAID MARGE. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL."

"I THOUGHT SO TOO," SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN!"

 

 

 

 

Tuesday Ahoy!

Good Morning/Evening Tuesday Peeps,,,Survived my "Ship visit"with just the normal hangover and a few bottles of Mexico's finest Tequila!

The tanker was off back to Mexico this morning for more black gold to pump ashore at Teesport.

Enjoyed a catch up and was surprised to hear how many of the bars we used to frequent in far flung places are still going strong providing a much needed service for the lonesome Matelots!

Back to earth today assembling radiator cabinets.

Have a great Tuesday,,

Cheers

FAST EDDIE ...

 Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office, but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, I will give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you.

The girl looked at him, then said, "NO." Eddie said, I will be real fast. I will throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I will be finish by the time you have picked it up. She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explain the situation. Her boyfriend says, Ask him for $200, pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down. She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, the bastard had all quarters! The lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

 

 

Prostate Cancer awareness month...

As it's Prostate Cancer awareness month............

Monday scorcher?

Good Morning/Evening Monday Peeps,threw back the curtains this morning to be greeted by brilliant sunshine and blue skies,,,another scorcher (yeah right)I thought wistfully looking at the frost!!

Ship visitig for me today to see an old Mate who is captain on a tanker docked in Teesport,,taxi there and back to be on the safe side although I know we will only be consuming tea and crumpets!!!(Believe that and you can plait fog!LOL

Enjoy your Monday and have a great week!

Cheers

Newlyweds .................

A newlywed couple arrive at their honeymoon suite and prepare to have sex for the first time. As they start to settle under the covers, she tells her husband, "I've got a confession. I'm not a virgin, but I've been with only one man."

The husband thinks for a second and says, "Well it's 2010, that's not unusual for you to have had premarital sex. But can I ask who the guy was?"

She fidgets for a minute, then says, "Tiger Woods."

Her husband is surprised by this response but tells her, "Well, he's rich and talented. I can see why you wanted to sleep with him."

So they make love for the first time and when they finish he gets up and goes to the room phone. His wife rolls over and aks, "What are you doing?"

He tells her, "I'm hungry. I was gonna call room service. Do you want anything?"

"Tiger wouldn't have done," she says.

"Oh really? What would Tiger have done," he asks.

"Tiger would have come back to bed and made love to me a second time."

So her husband puts down the phone and gets back to bed and makes love to his wife a second time. After they finish he gets out of bed and walks to the phone again. Again his wife asks, "What are you doing?"

"Well I never called room service the first time and I'm still hungry," he replies.

"Tiger wouldn't have done that," she again tells him.

"Oh really. And what would Tiger have done?"

"Tiger would have come back to bed and made love to me a third time," she says.

So her husband goes back to bed and makes love to her for a third time. After finally finishing he rolls out of bed again and goes to the phone.

"Calling room service again?" she asks.

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods so I can find out what the par is for this f**king hole!!"

 

 

Sunday sun!

Good Morning/Evening Sunday Peeps,,sunshine back,and almost makes me feel like going for a jog!,,Almost!!,,maybe a an amble to the local for a jar or two will suffice,..

LOL George,Yeah Lady Gaga did put out a request for any "Old Tar"in the metro centre,,,but turned out she just wanted her drive doing!!!

Isn't she supposed to be a haemaphrodite?,,should go down well on board ship!!

Have a relaxing day Folks,

Cheers

Keeping with the nautical "bent"

BLONDE'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP   



DEAR DIARY: DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up... Really excited. 



DEAR DIARY: DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today - seems

 a very nice man.. 



DEAR DIARY: DAY 3

At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck.. Captain invited

me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very

attractive and attentive. 



DEAR DIARY: DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin.

Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but

 I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. 



DEAR DIARY: DAY 5

Pool again today, got sun burnt, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain

saw me, bought me several large drinks. He really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin

for the night. Again I declined. He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink

the ship. I was shocked. 



DEAR DIARY: DAY 6

Today I saved 2,600 lives. Twice !

 

Saturday 6th March already

G'Day Good Peeps,

Another Saturday comes around, no sun today though ~ but at least NO SHOPPING trips!

I hear Phil was kidnapped by Lady Gaga as he wandered aimlessly around the MetroCentre  and she used him as a 'saucy sailor'stage prop at her Metro Arena concert on Thursday night.

Tell us all me old mate!!! lol